


The Wonderful World of Edd... And other people.

by Painful_Panda



Category: Eddsworld - All Media Types, Shitposting Hell
Genre: :), F/M, Heathers References, Homestuck References, I Blame Tumblr, I made most of them up, I'm lacking requests help, M/M, Many alternate universes, Many different Aus, Monster Tom, Multi, Please Don't Hate Me, Robot Feels, Soulmates, Vampire Matt, other fandom references
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-20
Updated: 2017-12-16
Packaged: 2018-12-17 14:12:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 50
Words: 20,955
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11853249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Painful_Panda/pseuds/Painful_Panda
Summary: Welcome to the wonderful world of Edd. From candy cults to zombie dates, the reader (you) can request anything your heart desires, and I will take time out of my life to write it!AND THAT'S A WRAP! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH FOR REQUESTING PROMPTS! HAVE A HAPPY HOLIDAY, EVERYONE!





	1. Gotta lay down them rules

Hello, unsuspecting reader. I am Panda. Quick warning, this is going to take patience and a bit of time to read.

 

As you can see here, I have not started this work yet.

 

But I will soon. I just need to put this here before I start.

 

I am willingly going to start accepting requests from people like Y O U who are reading this.

 

Don't understand? Let me try to explain myself.

  ~~~~

So, requests. I  ~~want~~ need requests. Minor things, if you want. These are going to be one shots. YOU can decide on the settings. YOU can decide who dies or not. YOU can decide on almost everything! Just think of you giving the ideas to me, and I will (attempt) to write a one shot of it. I'll even credit you (If you want me to.). It's a small little project that I am SUPER excited on working on! Because it has reader participation, and I love writing fics!

 

Rules (Because I love these??)

\- Shipping is welcome! (Crack ones are a good start)

\- Request some canon characters, if you want (Ex: Eduardo or  _Paul_ )

\- OCs are also welcome, (But you will have to provide a name and description. And please, humans only.)

~~\- I will not do OC x Canon Character (mainly due to the hate and bullshit I get.)~~

\- I will start accepting OC x Canon Character (I'm desperate for requests.)

\- You can decide who dies of not, but if you don't know who should, I'll do it.

\- This is bad shitposting, so I can't guarantee it will be serious.

\- Artwork can also be provided if I like the idea very much!

\- These are one shots. But I'll maybe make an extra chapter (this doesn't mean its a part two, unless requested. I will only take two parts.)

\- Kinks are allowed (some fetishes if I'm up for it.)

\- More rules might come up (maybe) if needed.

\- I will remove your comment if you want me to. I will give credit if you want me to. I will not remove the one fic that you requested if you wanted me to (Don't ask, I just won't).

\- Note that I am on this website 24/7 just so I can see what's in my inbox. You can comment funny things, I don't mind. 

\- Other AUs. (Ex: Tomsworld, Mattsworld, Opposite Day) I CAN do this, but it'll be a bit hard. I need to know the AU before I done do a cross over.

\- I make up different AUs to write about (I usually do this if I don't have any requests.)

\- Like I said earlier, I'm on 24/7. But just because I don't respond to you request, it doesn't mean I didn't read it.

 

\- IMPORTANT! (Maybe) : Unfortunately, I had to pretty much change the theme and name of this. But don't worry! I will still accept requests!

 

**\- I'm lacking requests, I might have to shut this down soon.**

 

I await for what you guys have in store for me.

 

* * *

 

 

**Unfortunately, due to the lack of requests and interest, I will have to shut this down once I hit 50 chapters.**

 

 

_I mean, I was super enthusiastic at first. But now, it's no fun, when it states "Reader Participation" and the readers don't actually participate. So, hey, it's okay. This collection of trash wasn't getting anywhere good, anyways. Plus, I have many more Eddsworld fanfics! You can go read those if you want, (Or not, they aren't even that good anyways.)._

 

_That's it, you can still request fics, until I reach to fifty chapters. Good day._

_~Panda_

 

* * *

 

**_FIFTY CHAPTERS!_ **

**_Now this fic can finally rest._ **

 

**_Goodbye._ **

 

 __\- Painful Panda/Peaceful Panda


	2. Tord fucks himself with a lollipop

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request 1: "Tord falls in love with the lollipop and tries to fuck it, then it all goes to shit."
> 
> Requested by: Anonymoose
> 
> Author's opinion: Pfft, this was fun to wRITE-

“My lord, how do you want him?”

 

Snoozing.

 

“My lord?”

 

Still dreaming.

 

“Tor- My lord, you’re dozing off again.”

 

“Wha-” Tord shot up, making a small dog-like sound when awakened.

 

“My lord, we’re sorry to have woken you from your… Slumber,” Edd said, rubbing his tired, swirly green eyes, “But we’ve got the sacrifice you ordered. We just want to know how you want it.”

 

“Yes! Right, I’d like another skull.”

 

“... It’s Pau- Nevermind, anything for you.”

 

Edd hides his face with the hood of his dark, yet colorful ritual robe, and started to head to the exit.

 

“Before you leave me, can I… get the Juju sucker?”

 

“Yes, my lord. I’ll get Tom to do it. Is that okay?”

 

“Yeah. Thanks.”

 

Edd mumbles loudly to himself before leaving. The candy-hyped communist realized he fell asleep on the kitchen floor.

 

How gross.

 

 

 

 

 

“Here’s your sucker, like you ordered.”

 

"Thank you, mortal."

 

Tom kneels down before Tord, bowing his head down. Tord snatches the lollipop, he lustfully looks at it, imaging the many flavor he'll taste when he gets it inside him.

 

"Umm, I'd like to mention something, also. My lord, Matt is pouring gasoline everywhere. Should I-"

 

"I don't care what you do, just leave me with my sexy sucker." Tord growled, still laying on the kitchen floor.

 

"... Okay." Tom says taking a knife out of the holder and leaving.

 

"Hei, du lille knull," Tord purrs, putting the long stick part of the lollipop in-between his legs, "Finally we are alone~"

 

He proceeds to rub his crotch on the stick, things escalate from there.

 

 

 

...

 

 

Matt was covered in blood, he came into the kitchen with a huge container of gasoline, pouring it everywhere. He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Tord, with a fucking lollipop in his ass.

 

Matt sighs, "Wow."

 

"... W-What are you... Doing here~?"

 

"Oh nothing, I totally wasn't going to burn is entire fucking building down because you all are crazy, stupid sacks of SHIT."

 

"Ah..."

 

The poor ginger glared at the lollipop fucker, before taking a lighter out of his robe, lighting it up.

 

"You're fucked up." 

 

He dropped it in the gasoline covered ground, lighting the whole house on fire, killing everything inside it.

 

_**T H E  E N D** _


	3. TomTord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request 2: *Cough* tomtord *cough*
> 
> Requested by: Ship it like fed ex
> 
> Author's opinion: Meh, I ship it. Also, Tom is just scared af-

“Thomas.”

 

Tom’s pineapples in his hair almost fell off in shock from the sound of his superior. He gets up from the ground, the hood of his robe was still over his head.

 

“Y-Yes... My lord?”

 

“Come here. I want to have a word with you.”

 

“... Alright.” 

 

Everything sucks when you're sober.

 

Tom walks over to the ritual table, Tord waits, sitting on his dark red plush seat.

 

“What did you summon me for?”

 

The superior gets off his throne. With a sly smile, he walks toward Tom with his hands behind his back. “I’ve been observing. You seem really devoted to me, don’t you?”

 

Tord pulls the hood off of Tom’s head. 

 

“Y-Yeah! I am,” Tom sputtered, nervous that Tord is getting WAY to touchy with him, “One d-doesn’t betray, because karma exists, right…?”

 

“Yes,” Tord purrs, pulling the slightly shorter man closer, “And I love you for that-”

 

Tom gasps, pulling away. 

 

“Uhh… I almost forgot! Matt, Edd, and I have to go do the ritual for you! Sorry, my lord…”

 

Tord grunts in frustration, then grabbed the sober alcoholic by the shoulder. 

 

“AAA! M-My lord…?! What are you doing?!”

 

“You can take a break from that. Pay attention to ME.”

 

“A-As you wish…”

 

Tord hums as he runs his pale fingers through Tom’s green hair. “Are you a virgin?”

 

“Y-Yes…”

 

“Heheh, you want to change that?”

 

“I…”

 

“You smell amazing.”

 

Edd and Matt pass by, Matt was sewing Edd’s torn up robe as he walked.

 

“H-HEY GUYS!! What happened?”

 

“Hey Tom,” Edd greeted himself, “Just getting my robe fixed up. The last person we sacrificed, really put up a fight.”

 

“Oh, m-mind if I join your conversation?”

 

Edd looks at Tord. Tom shakes a little bit.

 

“You can leave, Thomas.” Tord groaned, Tom ran off to Edd and Matt.

 

**_E N D ._ **


	4. Wtf are cuddles?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request 3: I have a request for fluffy cuddles between the main four. with cute pet names included.
> 
> Requested by: Page_Of_Pumpkins
> 
> Author's opinion: tbh I've never been cuddled, nor been given a cute pet name. My ex was an asshole. I'm actually scared to be in love. 
> 
> Also fuck Turd.

With Tomee Bear clutched against his chest, Tom lays on the ground, robeless and cold.

 

"Thomas," Matt called out, "What are doing on the ground? That's no place for you."

 

"I-I'm too lazy to get up. Let me die."

 

"No. Get up, sweetie. I'll tuck you to bed."

 

"Matttttttt noooooo I don't w-want to..."

 

"Stop being so stubborn. I just want to take care of you."

 

"I'm fine! H-Honestly!"

 

"Where's your robe? It's chilly down here! Come on, go to-" Matt pulls Tom up, upon getting up, Tom's torn up Tomee Bear falls onto the ground.

 

"Aww, is this why you didn't want to get up?" Matt said, kneeling down to look at the torn plush bear.

 

Tom nods, "I d-don't know how to fix it, and I feel stupid for not knowing how to sew, and-"

 

"Shh," Matt silenced him, "I can fix it for you, sweetie. But it's cold here, you're going to catch a cold." The purple haired ginger took his robe off and gave it to Tom, "Stay warm."

 

\---

 

"Thomas!"

 

"Y-Yes?"

 

Matt held the sewn up Tomee Bear behind his back, waiting for Tom to get closer, "Guess what I have?"

 

"What?"

 

He shows the stuffed bear, "It's Tomee!"

 

Tom's eyes light up taking the stuffed bear, "Tomee!! Thanks Matt." He gave the taller man a huge hug before running off.

 

"What was that all about," Edd walks in, looking at Matt.

 

"Fixed his toy."

 

"Ah. And I see you got your robe back."

 

"Yeah. His was dirty."

 

"I think you deserve a little treat, don't you think?"

 

"Maybe I do~" Matt purrs, bending down so Edd can give him a small kiss on the cheek.

 

_**umm end?** _


	5. I'm Mary.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request 4: Hey loser, actually mix Homestuck and Eddsworld together.
> 
> Requested by: Painful_Panda (Me)
> 
> Author's Opinion: Dear god I hate you so much. Also this chapter is shit.

_Look at all the many colors, so exquisitely embroidered, delicately and precisely sewn into a line._

 

Matt. He was basically the one to provide clothing and care. Motherly, he took care of his friends like a mother hen caring for her eggs.

 

The things he was mostly used for, was to make clothing for the cult. Robes with dark, but colorful arrays of designs, each different for each member. Frankly, he wasn't aware of what was really happening. He believed the lies that were thrown to him.

 

_Organized in harmony, relationships so intricate how'd I ever come across a tapestry so fine?_

 

Made many more things, he became suspicious. His friends became a bit more aggressive with him. Never understood why. **[The ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27klCPedm48)[harmony ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wot5xUsuWzI)[they](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27klCPedm48)[ once ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wot5xUsuWzI)[had](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27klCPedm48)[, was ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wot5xUsuWzI)[broken.](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=27klCPedm48)**

 

_But what is this? You're burning holes in my stitching!_

 

He watches as Tord goes on and on about gods and plans for the future. It sounded like bullshit to him.

 

But Edd and Tom believed him. In the dark basement, Matt can still see the cigarette burns on Tord's robe.

 

_The colours bleeding into one big mess! Did you guess, I'd let this fabric fray?_

 

He didn't know what to do. He just sat by, doing the normal things he would usually be seen doing. Admiring himself in the mirror, reading, etc. Edd walks by, robe stained with a red color.

 

"Oh my god," Matt whispered, "What happened to you?!"

 

"Relax. It's not mine."

 

That just worried him even more. Edd goes on about Tord, spouting crazy things and admitting horrible deeds.

 

Furious, the ginger stomped up to Tord and threaten to report him.

 

But the communist had brainwashed the two. The two tackled and pinned him to the ground. 

 

"I'll be willing to let you live, if you go along with it and shut your fucking mouth."

 

_I'm meddling with murderers who still deserve to pay for their insanity and though I'm one of them, I'm rarest of my kind, for many fell but only I arose!_

 

And he obeyed. He didn't want to, but he was too much of a coward. And even then, these were his friends. 

 

He looks into the eyes of the deceased, with small stabs of guilt.

 

_It's been so long, since I've seen the sun, who's to say if the colours have faded?_

 

He didn't realize how long he stayed down in the basement.

 

Weeks to months, he was getting sick. The smell of rotting flesh was getting worse.

 

_Locked away so long, now jaded, left only to decay..._

 

They decided the best thing to do, was to sacrifice him. 

 

That was the last straw. He ran off, found gasoline and Tord's lighter. And in hours, the house went up in flames.

 

He laid on the ground and accepted death, as the fire burned everyone inside the house.

 

_I'm Mary. I feel like Mary in this dress._

 

**The silence and harmony was back.**

 

_I'm **Mary**._


	6. "Reality is an illusion!"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request 5: Gravity falls au????
> 
> Requested by: A guest
> 
> Author's opinion: *Shrugs* I'll be honest, I haven't watched Gravity Falls in a long time. So...

"Holy shit, guys you might want to look at this..."

 

"What is it, my lord?" Edd asked, getting up and standing next to Tord, peeking out of the blinds, "Oh."

 

"It seems that our plans have come early?"

 

"What, killing ourselves?"

 

"HAHAHA, no. We take pictures before we kill ourselves."

 

"Umm, alright? I'll get the others..."

 

<\^/>

 

"I don't want to seem harsh, but why do we have to go out, again?" Matt asked, holding a camera.

 

"Weirdmageddon." Tom mumbled.

 

"Wh-"

 

"WEIRDMAGEDDON!" He kicks the door open, a vibe of weirdness floods into the house. Matt walked out, looking up at the sky. There was a blood red sky, giant colorful bubbles, bat eyes, and a giant pyramid in the distance.

 

"Ah, Hell! What a sight!" Tord smirked, walking a bit further, "Now this is my type of party!"

 

Tom stayed silent, fiddling with his fingers. Edd walks out with the Juju sucker. 

 

"As the lord's most trusted member of our roleplaying cult, I will protect you all."

 

Matt gushes, "My hero!"

 

"Onward, peasants!"

 

<\^/>

 

Tord and Matt took time taking pictures of stone people and weird eye bat creatures. But eventually Edd hit them with the lollipop, humming to the Heather's songs, eye bats exploded into blood and candy.

 

"Ugh, it's going to be a pain getting these robes clean again!" Matt whined.

 

Tord stopped taking pictures, "Wait... Where's Tom?!"

 

<\^/>

 

They search for the pineapple prince.

 

"You're a cute little water tower!"

 

"The fuck," Edd said suddenly.

 

"Oh, I think we found dear ol' Tommy."

 

"THOMAS MOTHERFUCKER," Matt yelled, looking up at Tom, who was petting a living water tower, "GET DOWN FROM THERE YOU CAN REALLY HURT YOURSELF, YOUNG MAN!"

 

"BUT MOOOOOOOOOM, CAN WE KEEP IT? HE FOLLOWED ME WHEN I WAS GETTING A BETTER LOOK AT THE PYRAMID!

 

"YOU KNOW WE DON'T HAVE THE MONEY FOR A FUCKING WATER TOWER! IT'LL GET US ALL WET!"

 

"I'm pretty wet when I think about mating with you."

 

"Shut up, Edd."

 

The water tower spilled water onto the three candy worshippers.

 

"I hate dogs."

 

**F U C K I N G  E N D**


	7. TomMatt but Matt becomes the dick destroyer

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request 6: How about some more TomTord? Maybe some TomMatt included?
> 
> Requested by: Hugh Mungus 
> 
> Author's opinion: I hate love triangles, my dude.

What a peaceful silence. Nothing bad can happen today, right?

 

But then there’s Tom, looking for something.

 

“Howdy Thomas, what seem to be the problem?” Tord greets himself, walking up to Tom.

 

“Oh! H-Hello my lord,” Tom chirps, “I’m looking for Matt.”

 

“What for?”

 

“I n-need to confess something! Do you know where he is?”

 

“No. You know, if you want to confess something… Like a sin, because I assume that’s what you mean… You can always tell me! I am your god, after all.”

 

“Y-Yeah I know, but this doesn’t really involve you, my lord!”

 

Tord’s smile disappeared as Tom turned away to leave. His shoulder was suddenly grabbed. 

 

“W-What are you doing…?”

 

“Confess to me. There will be no secrets between us.”

 

“...”

 

“I’m getting sick of you… I’ll confess something for you instead.”

 

“W-What’s that…?”

 

“I want to fuck a peculiar person… I’ve heard the way they moan when they read my hentai~”

 

Tom’s face flushes as he covers it with the hood of his robe.

 

“Were you thinking of me, Thomas?”

 

“No.”

 

Just as Tord was about to pull Tom’s hood down and say something, Matt runs in, quick as lighting. He taps on Tord’s shoulder.

 

“Yes?” He said, turning his whole body around. Bad mistake. 

 

Matt kicks him in the crotch, watching the red haired communist fall to the ground with a loud screech.

 

“I leave to go order Chinese,” Matt growled, pushing the short Tom away, “And you go to hit on my small child! Next time this happens, ‘my lord’, I’m going to cut your dick off and FEED IT TO YOU.”

 

<\^/>

 

“I’m sorry about leaving you hanging.”

 

“It’s f-fine,” Tom mumbled.

 

Matt’s little gingerbread man in his hair looked like it was bouncing with joy, “What did you want to tell me?” 

 

“Oh! Y-Yeah! I just wanted to….” Tom’s face got hot again, he pulls at his hood a bit, “I…”

 

“It’s okay, you don’t have to be nervous.” 

 

“I’m in lesbians w-with someone…”   
  


Matt paused, before the swirl in his purple eyes changed into golden stars.

 

“GASP! You finally came out the closet, my Pineapple Prince! Don’t worry, I support you all the way! Who’s the lucky guy?”

 

“...”

 

Confused, Matt started saying names until he couldn’t name anyone else.

 

“Then who?”

 

“I’m in lesbians with you.”

 

“Oh.”

 

**T H E E N D .**


	8. Matt: Pretend to be a Maryam.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request 7: Since nobody is requesting anything, just continue the fucking last chapter.
> 
> Requested by: PANDA (Me)
> 
> Author's Opinion: Okay.

“Edd.”

 

“Oh hi my lord! You’re here early.”

 

“Yes, it would seem so.”

 

“Anything you need help with?”

 

Tord looks around, “Be my boyfriend.”

 

“WHY.”

 

“At least pretend to be?”

 

“WHHHHHHHHHY.”

 

“Me damn it, just do it! Tom and Matt are dating, and I have to act like I don’t care.”

 

“... By acting like you’re in a relationship?”

 

“Yes.”

 

Edd paused, scratching the back of his neck, “I mean, I’m down for it, but I highly doubt this is going to look legit.”

 

“That’s up for the author to t-”

 

DON’T FUCKING START.

 

“... Sorry. I meant, I’ll get it to look okay! I’m a magical motherfucker after all.”

 

<\^/>

 

“Someone broke Suuuuusaaaaaannnnn……” Tom whined, showing the two halves of his broken guitar to Matt.

 

“Oh my love,” Matt sighed, “Don’t worry, I’ll fix it for you. But the real question is, who broke it?”

 

“Edd or Our Lordddddd……” Tom hissed, looking at his surroundings.

 

<\^/>

 

“Okay you two, which one of you did it?”

 

“Did what,” Tord mumbled.

 

“Who broke Susan?”

 

Edd shrugs, “I didn’t do it, and besides he really sucks at playing it.”

 

“Sick burn, sweetie.” Tord said.

 

“Thank you.”

 

Matt just gives a big smile, “If one of you don’t fess up, I’ll cut your dicks off with a chainsaw and put it on display.”

 

"... Fuck me gently with a chainsaw?"

 

"Thomas? Saw, please."

 

Tom obeys, passing the chainsaw over. It's a rare piece, all white with black teeth.

 

Matt triggers it on, the rumble of the cutting machine roared loudly.

 

"Holy shit-"

 

Tord groans, "I DID IT."

 

It got silent.

 

"Finally! I can't believe I have to threaten you to talk!"

 

"You were threating my-"

 

"Yeah, I don't care. Come on Tommy, let's go fix Susan!"

 

"YAAAAAAAAY!"

 

Edd and Tord look at each other in shock, before slowly following the two.

 

**End.**


	9. EddTord but with a twist

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah, I'm not getting any requests, it's kinda setting me off a bit.
> 
>  
> 
> So I'm just gonna... Put in some of my own? I kinda just enjoy writing for the heck of it.
> 
> So here's one, with a bit of a twist! Enjoy.
> 
> Also TomMatt isn't official in this shot.

"Thomas, do you think I'm getting thin?"

 

Tom looks up and down, "A little bit, but you still look beautiful. You're also a bit pale, Matilda. Are you sick?"

 

The purple ginger looked down, "Probably. But I can't let Edd know. He'll tell-"

 

"It's okay. You're secret is safe with me!"

 

Matilda smiles a bit, "Thank you. Let me whip you up something sweet, do you want pie?"

 

Black eyes glitter in delight, "Yeah! Can it be butterscotch and cinnamon?"

 

"I'll see what I can do."

 

<\^/>

 

With the pie in the oven, Tom and Matilda were having a lovely conversation...

 

Until-

 

"Do you hear that?" Tom asks.

 

"No...?"

 

<\^/>

 

"Hello you nooksuckers," Edd greets himself, letting Tori pull him into the room.

 

"What are you doing?" Matilda asks, pretty sure the answer is fucking answer is PLAIN.

 

"Just here to tell you about my **lovely** girlfriend!"

 

Tori pulls on Edd's sleeve, "Come here, baby."

 

The ginger and pineapple prince watch in horror as Edd and Tori sloppily kiss each other in front of them. Edd opens one eye to watch their reaction.

 

"Oh my god, I... This is gross." Tom gagged, before Matilda covered his eyes with her hand.

 

"Okay, well... I'm glad that you both are... In love, but we have things to do. Let's go, Tom." She pulls the the inch shorter man away from the gross couple.

 

Edd pulls away, "W-Wait! I haven't even touched her boob yet!"

 

"I haven't even touched his boobs either-"

 

Matilda threw a plastic bottle at them, "Don't talk to me, or my son ever again!"

 

**End.**


	10. Little Tord.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tomsworld switch.
> 
> Just an idea, leave me alone.
> 
> Also, I'm pretty sure Tomsworld belongs to someone named Rainy???
> 
> Also, another bullshit chapter.

_What did you do, little clown?_

 

You missed the old days. It wasn't all sugar high, blood spatters, and rituals. 

 

But then again, it was somewhat his fault. If he would've stopped it earlier, none of this would have happened. But of course, candy forks and the taste of aesthetic kept your attention the whole time.

 

How was Matt even capable of this? He always failed trying to take over the world.

 

Maybe he was more skillful than you thought.

 

_From his neck the walls are bleeding brown..._

 

Edd was still tired. You tried to talk some sense into him. He heard you, he just didn't care.

 

Weeks following, you got stained pretty quickly.

 

So did the walls. Everyone was forced to paint on the walls with blood.

 

The basement smelled awful after awhile.

 

_Soon the blue to follow, then the green!_

 

Tom was the first to fall. He was sick, and Matt just made it worse.

 

He forced Tom to eat a rotting CORPSE.

 

And now, the black eyed man was dead.

 

You cried obviously. Edd was no help. He was just waiting for his turn.

 

It came, he fell. Sickness killed him before a corpse did.

 

_Last will be the brightest red you've seen,_

 

Now it's just you. You and Matt. 

 

You tried to run.

 

But he knows how to hunt you down.

 

_**Brightest red you've ever seen**._

 

You watched him cut you alive with a chainsaw.

 

But you still died with a smile.

 

"I'll see you in hell, Matt."


	11. Encaged Vampire and a Tame Beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> More TomMatt because I have no requests still.
> 
> I'm not gonna do sugar cults, for a bit.
> 
> :33333

Edd walked up to the door and rang the door bell, "Alright Tom, remember what we practiced. Don't attack unless they attack me, or if I tell you to, okay?"

 

The animalistic beast nodded, sitting on the ground and scratching himself like dogs would.

 

"Also! There's someone else joining us! His name is Matt, I think you and him will get along. He's a monster, just like you."

 

Tom was about to open his mouth to say something, when the door opened.

 

A short kid with thick eyebrows and a toothpick in his mouth answered the door, "Whoa, wicked monster you got there! What breed is it?"

 

"I'm not sure! I assume you're Tord's kid. Is he home?"

 

"Oh! You're Edd, aren't you?"

 

Edd nods as he lets his beast inspect the kid.

 

"Yeah, come in," The kid lets Edd inside, "I'm Paul, by the way. I heard you can tame monsters. Is that true?"

 

"Yes! I've gotten a job as an Monster Tamer. Best there is! And this is Tom's first time going to work with me." Edd bragged, petting Tom.

 

"Heh, I hope you are. Our monster scared off ten tamers! Dad was about to give up, but he remembered you were the greatest pet trainer back in your days."

 

"Ah, yes. Dogs still love me. Where is Tord, anyway?"

 

Tord runs in with a plate of waffles, "Sorry about that! Matt's being a rough potato! Please, help yourselves and get comfortable while I get Matt!"

 

Edd grabbed a few waffles, for himself and Tom. Paul takes the plate, while Tord runs off.

 

"So, about your monster. What can he do?"

 

"He's a pretty powerful for a small guy. He can glow, jump, smell emotion, and speak Spanish."

 

"Cooooool-"

 

Tord comes in slowly, pulling in a cage with a creature inside, hiding in torn pillows and ripped blankets.

 

"Paul, a little help?"

 

The short kid ran up to his father and helped him, Edd watches silently.

 

"Here he is. He'll get angry if I pull the blankets off him, so I'd wait for a bit. Unless, you have a safer way to get him to come out."

 

Tom looks into the cage, sniffing inside. Smells like...

 

A craving for love?

 

"Hey little guy," Edd cooed, "You tired?"

 

Immediately when Matt heard a stranger, he uncovered himself and growled viscously, bearing teeth, and eyes glowing red.

 

Matt was a pale vampire, fit with a black hoodie and dark blue jeans. No blood on his teeth. That's not a good sign.

 

Taken aback by his demeanor, Edd looked down to Tom.

 

"Buddy, do you think you can talk some sense into him?"

 

Tom nodded.

 

 _"Greetings."_ Tom barked.

 

 _"Go to hell."_ Matt hissed.

 

_"Why?"_

 

_"Go AWAY. I don't want you here."_

 

_"Yes you do. Do you feel threatened? We're not here to attack you."_

 

 _"Grrr... FUCK OFF!"_ Matt yelled, getting his arms through one of the hoops of the cage and hissing angrily.

 

Tord sprayed him down.

 

"Is that garlic?"

 

"Yeah," Tord answered, watching Matt retreat and whimper.

 

"Dude, you know that stuff is like hot oil on their skin, right?"

 

_"Are you okay?"_

 

_"It **burns**..."_

 

Tom saw that Matt was on the opposite side of the cage, and Edd had let go of his leash. Quickly, he ran to Matt's side of the cage and licked the garlic off the vampire's face.

 

"Eww." Paul commented, just realising.

 

"Oh my god, your monster is-"

 

"Shh... Your vamp just wants the garlic off."

 

"But-"

 

"Tord, don't fucking disturb."


	12. I'm gonna fuck the Vamp soon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Continuing from the last chapter-
> 
> Also time skip.

They trained him for nine weeks. Three weeks away from him pass.

 

Today was a bit different. Edd had some plans to attend to, and decided to leave Tom with Tord for a day. Matt was still locked inside a cage. With no luxury. Tom decided to give the vampire a gift.

 

"Master, don't you think he's angry because he's caged?" Tom asked, with a bagged gift in his mouth.

 

"Actually, I was thinking that. But I can't let go of him. That's for his owners to decide."

 

"We may be monsters, but we are still people. Damn, humans treat pets better than us."

 

Edd looks down, ringing the bell on Tord's door.

 

"Most of us do. But you know me, I treat you, pets, and humans the same with kindness."

 

Tom grins, "I know. That's why I adore you."

 

"Edd," Tord squealed, opening the door, "I'm so happy to see you again! I think you did a great job, Matt has been a lot calmer!"

 

"Really? Is he still in a cage?"

 

"I let him out for small periods of time. Right now, he's sleeping in his cage."

 

Sure enough, there was Matt, sleeping in his cage with a newspaper as a toy.

 

"Seriously Tord? Not a single toy to give him?"

 

"Bills are hard, okay?"

 

Edd rolls his eyes before letting the leash go. Tom sits and watches Matt rest soundly in his pillow and blanket cocoon.

 

"Well, I'll leave Thomas here. Don't forget, he needs to be fed chicken, not beef. Your kid and his boyfriend can play with Tom, as long as they don't pull on his tail. Sleeping time is strictly on-"

 

"I printed out that e-mail, I know what to do. God, you're leaving him for one day, do I seriously need this many instructions?"

 

"He's like a son to me. I can't relax knowing something might be going wrong! Keep my baby safe, okay?"

 

"I knoooooow..."

 

"Thank you. Welp, I'm off. See ya, buddy." Edd said, petting and hugging Tom before leaving.

 

<\^/>

 

Matt wakes up, still sleepy. He looks up, and sees the familiar purple and black beast.

 

_"Wuh- Thomasss?"_

 

 _"Hey Matt."_ Tom barked, nearly dropping his gift bag.

 

Matt rubs his eyes and hissed a response,  _"What are you doing here? Did my master order another nine weeks?"_

 

_"No! My owner is letting me stay for the day."_

 

Shocked, Matt woke up entirely,  _"Oh my god?? What are you going to do all day?"_

 

 _"Spend it with you. But first I need to give you this."_ Tom settled the gift bag near the cage.

 

Matt paused in surprise. He never had a gift given to him before. He eagerly put his arm through the loops of the cage and started rummaging through the bag.

 

 _"What is this?_ _"_ He asked, looking at the stuffed bear in his hands.

 

_"It's a Tomee Bear! I have many of them at home just for me, but I saw you didn't have a toy. Here's a gift from me to you."_

 

Another long pause.

 

 _"... I love it,"_ Matt hugged and snuggled it, pretending it was Tom himself,  _"Thank you."_

 

 

_"No problem! Say, when you leave your cage for a bit, do you want to play fetch? Or maybe a game of Truth or Dare?"_

 

_"Sure, Tom. Looking forward to it."_

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk if I should do more of these. I think it's a cute concept.


	13. ♠ MattTord ♥

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Matt is a highblooded seadweller troll from Beforus.
> 
> And Tord is just a human.
> 
> I was bored.
> 
> Homestuck x Eddsworld, everybody.

**communistAnarchy [CA] began trolling glisteningAdmiration [GA]**

 

**GA: May I a$k wh¥ ¥o-u wo-uld want to- ¢o-ntact me again?**

**CA: That meeting**

**CA: You told me you still wanted to go**

**CA: It's fucking cold over here and I'm still waiting for your stupid ass**

**GA: ¥o-u were $erio-u$ abo-ut that date?**

**CA: MEETING**

**GA: $urprising, ¢o-n$idering the fa¢t that ¥o-u $ent a giant ro-bo-t to- kill me and m¥ dad.**

**CA: Yeah sorry**

**GA: Neverthele$$, I smell bla¢k ro-man¢e fro-m o-ur relatio-n$$hip.**

**GA: I will be right o-ver, so-o-n.**

**CA: Alright**

 

**communistAnarchy [CA] ceased trolling glisteningAdmiration [GA]**

 

The highblood sighed as he got up from his computer. He walked to his closet and took a random piece of clothing out.

 

Just a long sleeved shirt with his sign on it. Being the near highest on the hemospectrum, you'd think you'd have more of a fashion sense. Well, no. He tossed it aside and chose something else.

 

A violet hoodie with his sign on the back of it in black. Seems good enough. The afterwards he picked out black jeans and a green jacket.

 

Ah. That jacket. His lowblooded friend gave that to him. No, the lowblood isn't dead. He was just distant than before. The highblood never knew why.

 

Shaking the memory away, the highblood ran into what the author assumes is the bathroom. He takes one look into the mirror and sighs at the sight.

 

He wasn't ugly, no. He was quite handsome for his royal blood. 

 

Tord was human. The highblood wasn't. Just an alien with grey skin, amber eyes with dark violet pupils, black hair, red orange to golden yellow horns, and glorious looking fins. Most seadwellers would die for his perfect fins.

 

The hemospectrum is bullshit. Quadrants are bullshit. Culling is bullshit. The entire troll race is bullshit. He envied the human race. They were just so... PERFECT. 

 

He seen humans. They were so beautiful. Humans had different skin colors, peach to chocolate skin and different hair colors, black to brown to gold. He looks more into it, some humans even had cute little dots on their face. Even better, all their blood colors are he same red, red, red.

 

Such a perfect race.

 

<\^/>

 

Tord settled his phone down and kept waiting on the park bench. As cheesy as it sounds, he was quite nervous to meet this 'glisteningAdmiration'. Glisten was... A bit strange. Very nice, but nice to the wrong people. Never sounded angry in his texts. A bit funny if he tried hard enough.

 

The communist did the mistake of sending a giant robot to Glisten, just to test him.

 

_**GA: I think ¥o-u ju$t killed m¥ dad.** _

 

Well, looks like he'll live with that blood on his hands.

 

_**GA: It'$ that...** _

_**GA: Whatever, I'm $till alive.** _

_**GA: Ni¢e tr¥, ¢o-mmie.** _

 

"It's fucking cold out here," Tord grumbles, shivering as he watches his breath fogged up the air, "When the fuck is he coming?!"

 

<\^/>

 

Hesitant at first, you walk to the red boy sitting on a park bench.

 

"Tord?"

 

He looks up, shock in his eyes.

 

"Glisten?" He asked, the visible fog of his warm breath looks like smoke. He was like, a handsome red dragon. His horns, smoke and all.

 

Oh, is that your nickname?

 

"Yeah, it's me... Surprise."

 

He gets up from the bench and faced you, getting a good look.

 

"So, you weren't lying. You really weren't human."

 

You feel awful. Nobody would date an ugly alien like you.

 

"Heheh, actually... That's pretty cool! At least you didn't dress all frilly like the others."

 

"You... You're fine with this?"

 

Tord grins, pearly white teeth that reminds you of the sea.

 

"More than fine, this is exciting! Come on, let's get lunch."

 

He waves over, pointing at the Taco Bell nearby. You follow him, relieved that he didn't reject your alien body.

 

**End...?**


	14. More Monster!TomMatt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just because it was requested.

“Oh Matt,” Tord chirped, getting a black key out, “It’s that time again!”

 

The vampire sprung up, eager to leave his small prison.

 

“Oh, wait. Where’s Tom?”

 

“He went to the backyard,” Matt answered.

 

“Oh! That’s perfect. Now go…” Tord unlocked Matt’s cage, immediately Matt painfully squeezed out and ran into the sliding glass door, hitting it with a loud thud.

 

"Oops. Hey my little solider, you almost forgot this," Tord handed him a black umbrella and sunglasses, "Don't want to see you die out there."

 

"Ya ya I got it, ma'." Matt grumbled, cringing at his accent. He slides the sunglasses on and opened the umbrella. 

 

"Don't stray too far in the woods. Also! Don't forget to come back in, two hours or less. Paul's boyfriend is gonna come over,  and he wants to check you out."

 

"Ya, I got it. Anythin' else, ma'?"

 

"Just, be careful. You may be a monster, but you're my baby. Don't die. For me okay?"

 

"Ma' I ain't gonna die. Jeeze." 

 

And out he went.

 

<\^/>

 

 _"MATT, HOLY PONY EATING MACARONI!"_ Tom barked, bringing a dead rabbit.

 

_"What?"_

 

_"You're outside! Vampires don't go out in the sun! What are you doing out here?"_

 

_"Boredom. Out here is kind of pretty without the darkness."_

 

Tom grinned,  _"Yeah, it is."_

 

_"Well, aren't you going to eat the rabbit?"_

 

_"Oh. Yeah."_

 

<\^/>

 

 _"So, what do humans normally do to wild monsters?"_ Matt asked, noticing that the sun was getting dimmer.

 

_"Capture them. Take some to pounds. The rest go to the circus."_

 

_"Oh. Is it getting cloudy?"_

 

Tom looks up,  _"Yeah, let's go head to your place before it rains."_

 

<\^/>

 

_"Tommmmmm. We're lost. Admit it."_

 

_"No , no! I'm sure it was this way!"_

 

_"I saw that same rock for the fifth time. We're lost."_

 

Tom whined and started barking angrily at Matt.

 

_"It's not MY fault you rely purely on your owner!"_

 

_"Shut up! At least my owner isn't scared of me because I drink blood!"_

 

Matt was about to kick the small beast, before stopping himself. Tom however, jumped up and tackled him, knocking the black umbrella away. The sun was still out...

 

 **"SCREEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!"** Matt screeched, covering his face with his arms.

 

 _"Oh fuck,"_  Tom cursed, getting the umbrella,  _"Ma-"_

 

 __He's not moving.

 

 

 


	15. But Jon is fucking dead.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Somebody requested Eduardo x Tord,
> 
> But idk how that's supposed to work.
> 
> So here you go, Tord is a half lizard, Jon is a half bird and Eduardo is a half cat.

A dark shadow was casted, in his presence.

 

“Monster…” You whisper, upset that he was so happy even after what he done.

 

“Heh,” The red scaled humanoid retorted, “I know I am. Your point?”

 

You stay in silence before responding, “You defeated him. My friend. You just turned into a big dragon, and murdered him. Why? He was fucking harmless.”

 

“Harmless equals weak, and I don’t condone weaklings like him among these humans. You're just lucky I didn’t knock your fire out while he fell.”

 

“He was a healer. He was silent, but full of useful knowledge. You vowed to only get rid of the useless.”

 

“He wasn’t being cooperative. He deserved it. Stop questioning my leadership or it’s lights out for you, Kitty.” The red leader hissed, poking your snout harshly with his sharp nails. Some blood trailed down your whiskers and dripped on the black dirt.

 

“Fuck you.”

 

“Nah, I’d fuck you better.”

 

<\^/>

 

Living by the river was quite calming, there is where many of dead is sent, since the ones of higher authority get buried. The whispers of the deceased often lull you to sleep.

 

Today was no different, but you wanted to hear your friend.

 

“Jon?”

 

The voices stopped.

 

God damn Tord, and his stupid lust for power.

 

Tord was always such a pussy. Not physically, like you. It came down from the heavens, Jon had told you that he was destined to be sent away, train, defeat the corrupt leader, and become the new leader. 

 

Of course, you were proud for him, although slightly envious. His blue wings fluffed up in delight, as he came in for a big hug.

 

Oh Jon. What a beautiful blue bird he was.

 

 

 

But who knew about this, and who could’ve told the red leader?


	16. Stop shitting in the holy water

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tord takes a fucking shit in the fountain.

“You will fucking drink this goddamn fruit juice!” Tord growls, pulling Tom with one hand, holding poisoned fruit juice in another.

 

“NOOOOOO!! IT HAS PINEAPPLE, YOU EVIL HEATHEN-”

 

Matt and Edd casually watch the two argue, eating blood covered candy.

 

“Should I do something about it?” Matt asked Edd.

 

“Nah, we should watch them tear each other to shreds.”

 

“Alright.”

 

“Ugh! Come on! Tom you have to fucking-”

 

“NO-” Tom kicks Tord in that balls and runs off.

 

Tord helplessly lays on the ground, holding his kicked crotch and screaming loudly.

 

“Huh,” Edd mumbled in disappointment, “Thought Tord would actually win this.”

 

“I always have faith in my Thomas child,” Matt said, “Gotta go.”

 

<\^/>

 

Tord rolled in the holy water, “THE CHUUUUUUUURCH IS OURS, FUCK YES!”

 

Edd counted all the money, while Matt was too busy reading the bible in the corner.

 

“I’M GONNA TAKE A FUCKING SHIT IN THIS FOUNTAIN-”

 

“Matt, what are you reading?”

 

“Some novel about a fucked up world.”

 

“Is it Twilight?”

 

“No.”

 

“Matt, get your ass over here, and help me break these pretty windows!” Edd yelled, grabbing one of the small church bells and throwing it into one of the stained glass windows.

 

“Whatever.”

 

Tom walks away, “My lord, did you seriously just shit in the fountain?”

 

“Hehehe yes.”

 

“Fucking gross.”

 

…

 

..

 

<\^/>

 

“How dare you, it was my hentai!”

 

“Fuck your hentai, mylordofshitfuck.”

 

Tord tackles Tom into the fountain, and there’s fucking shit everywhere.

 

Matt watches all the chaos from afar. He slowly reaches for his phone and called the police, before walking away, grabbing the sharp candle holders, going into the bathroom, and-

  

The church catches on fire again.

 

What even is this chapter.


	17. Matt got fucking scared by Tom

_ “Matt?! Matt, get up buddy! We need to get you home…!” _

 

Tom held the umbrella over the vampire, sobbing hysterically. He couldn’t pick Matt up. He was too small.

 

…

 

Tom’s frame shifted as paws turned into clawed hands-

 

“T-Tom…?” Matt whimpered, looking up at the transforming beast.

 

<\^/>

 

-Knock knock knock-

 

“Ugh, give me a sec!” Tord yelled, wiping his wet hands into a kitchen cloth.

 

-KNOCK KNOCK-

 

“I’m coming, I’m coming!” Tord yelled again, running over to the sliding door. He slides the door open, and gasps at the sight.

 

“MATT?! TOM?! Oh my god, get inside…”

 

Tom went inside, holding Matt in his arms.

 

“How did this happen? What happened to you? Why are you suddenly… Human?”

 

Tom shrugs. Tord sighs, “I’ll go get you some clothes. Make sure Matt is okay.”

 

<\^/>

“Daaaaaaaad…” Paul groaned, “Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad……..”

 

“Not now, Paul.”

 

“But daaaaaa-” Paul pauses, “Whoa, what happened? Who’s the new guy?”

 

“That’s Tom.”

 

“WHOA. But wasn’t he a small little dog thing?”

 

Tom growls, tapping his clawed fingers on the ground.

 

“Oh… He can transform! That’s cool! Can you stand up for me?”

 

‘Rolling his eyes’, Tom struggled to stand on his two legs, grabbing onto a nearby couch to steady himself. Paul looked at the tall horned humanoid, pulling up his new blue hoodie, and studying him.

 

“You’re fucking ripped!”

 

“Paul! Language!”

 

“Sorry dad…”

 

_ “What the hell is this for, again?” _

 

“Hmm… Nice. Wish we got a cool monster like you.”

 

“Oh my god, he’s waking up!”

 

Matt slowly got up, before looking at Tom and fucking starts screaming.

 

_ “Matt, what the fuck?!” _

 

_ “TOM WHAT THE FUCK?” _


	18. Tom orders a robot

Oh. Wow.

 

Tom was bored, surfing through websites until he stumbled onto something interesting. The letters were all in green.

 

**Are you lonely? Do you want a friend? Do you want something to help you clean around the house? Or simply something to help bring your sexual fantasies to life?**

 

**Well, I think I’ve got the thing for you!**

 

**Hello, I’m Edd. I have a specialty and talent, of making human sized robots, for any purpose! I have five in my house, and I can still make more!**

 

**I am currently trying to saving up enough money to help me get through my last divorce. It’s only 400 dollars.**

 

**Interested?** **Click here!**

 

Wow. Sounds like bullshit. Tom laughed at the advertisement. Just as he was about to click off, he paused for a second. Maybe he should just check it out, see how bad it could really be.

 

**Height -**

**Weight -**

**Type of Body/Build -**

**Hair Color -**

**Distinguishable Hair Feature -**

**Type of Hair -**

**Typical Hairstyle -**

**Accent/Vocality -**

**Sexual Experience -**

 

“I can’t believe I’m doing this,” Tom mumbled, “Alright, who should be a metal scrap?”

 

He was a bit stumped at first, then thought of his old friend. Such a shy, emo kid he was. Wearing all black and using forks and spoons as weapons. What was his name again, was it Tord?

 

**Height - 5'9.5"**

**Weight - 160 (lbs)**

**Type of Body/Build - Mesomorph**

**Hair Color - Light Brown**

**Distinguishable Hair Feature - None**

**Type of Hair - Soft and Thick**

**Typical Hairstyle - Two points at the front, resembling horns**

**Accent/Vocality - Norwegian Accent**

**Sexual Experience - None**

 

He was just about to waste 400 dollars, but whatever. He wanted to see how much of a fail this was going to be.


	19. Tordbot

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tordbot is a bit... Friendly.

One week…

 

Two weeks…

 

Tom was about to give up, until a crate was at his front door.

 

“Oh fuck. How am I gonna get this in my house?”

 

<\^/>

 

Here it was. It’s pretty freaking heavy. Maybe that’s just the crate. Tom cut through the binds and pushed the lid off.

 

There he was, in all metal beauty. He wore a red hood and black jeans, no color in his eyes just yet.

 

Tom looks around and finds a small manual.

 

**Thank you so much for purchasing one of my robots! I promise to make it your money's worth! Here’s how to turn it on!**

**\- There’s a little button on the back of it’s neck. Hold it for five seconds, and it should start working.**

**The first thing you should do is introduce yourself, give it a name, tell it it’s purpose, and you’ll be on your way!**

 

Being short, Tom got a stool and tapped the back of the robot’s neck for the button. Yes, it was small indeed and he held it for five seconds.

 

The robot’s eyes flickered for a second before completely glowing yellow.

 

“Whoa,” Tom whispered, “That’s pretty lame.”

 

“Excuse me?” The robot said, tilting its head, “Is that any way to greet someone?”

 

“Oh… OH! Sorry! Umm… Hi, my name is Thomas.”

 

“Greetings Thomas. How was your day?”

 

“Great. I wasn’t expecting you to look so great, nor even work!”

 

“Ah. If that was the case, why did you purchase me?”

 

“For shits and giggles.”

 

“Acknowledged.”

 

_ This is so fucking weird. _

 

“Uh… So, your name is Tord.”

 

“It is? Alright, it is accepted. What is my purpose?”

 

Tom looked into the robot’s eyes. What would be his purpose? 

 

“You’re going to be my friend.”

 

“Friendship? Surprising. Most of us get created, simply for others sexual needs.”

 

“I’m not like that.”

 

“That’s good to know. What do friends do?”

 

“... You wanna lay down or something? I don’t think you can eat-”

 

“But you can,” Tord said, picking up Tom, “Maybe I should do the honors of making you a small edible dish.”

 

The robot was somewhat gentle when it picked up Tom and settling him down onto the couch, flicking the TV on. It wandered around looking for the kitchen. 

 

“Are you lost, Tord?”

 

“I am doing well, thank you for your concern.”


	20. Protect them for me.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddstale.
> 
> I don't really like Undertale, but here, take it.

“Tom!” Matt yelled.

 

“Hmm? Hey bro, what’cha need?” Tom mumbled, waking up and knocking over a bottle of smirnoff.

 

“Brother! You overslept, again! What if a human falls down into the underground? I have to be ready, I want to prove Paul that I’m fit for the Royal Guard!”

 

“I know Matt, I’m sorry. I’ll try not to sleep this time.”

 

“Pinky promise?”

 

“I don’t know, I might want to  **reflect** on my choices here.”

 

“UUUUGGHHHH TOOOOOM!!!!” Matt groans, playfully punching Tom in the shoulder.

 

<\^/>

 

Black and white slippers hit the white snow with a loud crunch. Tom had finally made it to his destination. The door to the ruins. He knocks on the door.

 

“Knock knock, you there?”

 

…

 

“Hey,” Tord chirped, knocking back, “You’re back!”

 

“Yep, and I got more puns up my sleeve. Wanna hear?”

 

“Sure, hit me with your best shot!”

 

“Alright… Why do ghosts hate the rain?”

 

“I don’t know, why?”

 

“It  **dampens** their spirits!”

 

Tord stood silent.

 

“What’s wrong? I thought you liked ghost puns.”

 

“That’s not it. Can I… Ask a favor of you?”

 

“Of course you can.”

 

“If a human comes through this door, please promise me that you’ll protect them, okay?”

 

Tom pauses, what about his brother? He knows how much the Royal Guard meant to Matt, and all he wants is for him to be happy. Not only that, it could risk the whole underground…

 

“I promise,” Tom said, his permanent grin still never faded away.

 

“Thank you! Oh! I have to go, gotta check on my red flowers.”

 

“Okay… See ya.”


	21. Distasteful, but I love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tordbot has fucking feelings.
> 
> What the fuck is fluff?
> 
> I was going to write smut, but I don't know how to do that.

Tom rolls in bed, have a difficult time trying to fall asleep.

 

“Thomas,” Tordbot tries to whisper, but fails miserably, “What are you doing awake at this hour? You might not be able to catch up on eight hours of sleep.”

 

“Isn’t it obvious? I can’t sleep.”

 

“Why is that? Hmm… Ah! Stay right here.”

 

“Not like I’m going anyw- where are you going?”

 

“I’m going to make you tea.”

 

“You know where the tea is?”

 

Tord looks at Tom, “I may have difficulty finding everything, but I will learn soon enough.”

 

Tord walks unsteadily into the kitchen, then searches for the tea box. Getting water in the teakettle, and an empty mug, it finally gets the tea box, tears it open viciously, and takes out a tea bag. 

 

-THUMP-

 

“Oh no.” Tord said, running off to Tom’s room.

 

“Little help?” 

 

“I told you to stay where you were,” Tord growled, picking up the short man, “What did you do?”

 

“I can make tea for myself.”

 

“But I’m your friend, I can make tea for you.”

 

“Noooo-”

 

A high-pitched noise suddenly rings.

 

“I think the tea is ready. Would settling you on the couch be okay?”

 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever.”

 

<\^/>

 

“Careful, I don’t want you burning yourself.”

 

Tord handed Tom his tea, before sitting on the ground.

 

“Thanks…”

 

…

 

“Why don’t you sit with me?”

 

The robot looked up, “Really? You want me to-”

 

“I wouldn’t be asking if I didn’t want you to.”

 

Tord’s gears whirred as it got up to sit next to Tom. It started fiddling with it’s fingers and mumbling.

 

“So, I know you’re a robot and all. But can you feel emotions?”

 

“I develop them, yes.”

 

Tom settles his tea on the coffee table, before poking the robot’s face. It makes a small squeak. Then, he runs his finger through the crevices of it’s metal face.

 

“Okay, do you like me, Tord?”

 

“... Yes.”

 

“Really?”

 

“I lo- like you. You’re my friend.”

 

Then Tom runs his hands through the robot’s hair. It purrs softly.

 

“Ah, what the fuck. I’m getting too attached to a fucking robot.”

 

“And I’m getting too attached to a fUCKing human, but I don’t see the wrong in it. Unlike you.”

 

“I’m surprised you’re even getting attached to me. I’m not a likable person.” Tom settles his head on the robot’s chest.

 

Tord looks, and pets his hair, “I can tell. But, you’re not so horrible. Maybe with a bit of social interaction, others will warm up to you.”

 

…

 

“I don’t mind if you sleep on me, Thomas. Just rest."


	22. I forgot this shot was in my google doc

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Out of context Monster!TomMatt???
> 
> *Looks at inbox*
> 
> *(0) Inbox*
> 
> *That means no requests*
> 
> *Been going on for a long time*
> 
> Okay. Ya'll know the drill. I'm only sharing this because I thought it was a shitty attempt to write smut.
> 
> So, I might not write much unless I have an AU idea. Kk thanks.
> 
> ~Panda

_“Matt.”_

 

_“Thomas.”_

 

The vampire hissed, before giving the humanoid beast a hug.

 

_“I missed you so much, where have you been?!”_

 

_“Relax, I was away to win a show. It’s how I get extra money.”_

 

_“You should have told me! I want to know where you’re going!”_

 

Tom grins his silly grin, _“You’re right, I should’ve told you. Such an asshole move. Let me make it up to you.”_ He picks up the slightly smaller vampire, _“Where’s the most secretive place in your house?”_

 

_“T-The basement. I sleep there-”_

 

_“Off we go.”_

 

_ <\^/> _

 

_“You sleep on an air mattress?”_

 

 _“Yeah, sorry,”_ Matt wheezed, _“It’s better than a cage.”_

 

_“True.”_

 

Tom settled Matt on the air mattress, _“It’s a bit dark in here.”_

 

_“Uh… Yeah…”_

 

Tom crawled onto the mattress, trying to keep his claws from poking holes into it. When Tom finally got to a low enough level, Matt swooped in and kissed the beast. Tom looked at his vampire before barking.

 

_“Nice.”_

 

_“Ah, but you have to kiss me back, before I confess my feelings for you.”_

 

Tom barked softly, giving Matt a kiss on the head.

 

_“Hey now, that’s not very fun. Why don’t you kiss me on the lips while I go on top?”_

 

 _“Oh my god,”_ Tom blushed, “You sure?”

 

_“Oh I am, unless… You’re not too much of a pussy to prove me that you’re not afraid to lead.”_

 

Oh. That is so on. Tom grabs Matt and pins him down, kissing the vampire passionately. Of course, this doesn’t shock Matt. No, this is exactly what he wanted.

 

“Lovely,” The vampire (actually) spoke, “Ye a good kisser, ya know that?”

 

“Oh, but I don’t kiss my non existing reflection.” Tom sassed, his voice was much smoother, despite his all bark bullshit.

 

“Hey-!”

 

He needed to shut up. Tom starts kissing Matt down his neck, letting him go in the process. Then, spiced it up a little bit. He started sucking on the pale white skin.

 

“Ngh~ Quit teasin’, Beasty. I ain’t havin’ ANY of- AH!” Matt yelped mid-sentence, growing quiet while Tom bit his neck.

 

“Shut up.”

 

“That was- my job!”

 

“Not this time. Before I start fucking you, take your edgy clothes off. Not because I might stain them, but they're fucking stupid.”


	23. Welcome to the Mind Fuck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Could you make an au where green leader meets red leader? c:"
> 
> Ask and you shall receive.
> 
> Thanks for the request, I was pretty happy when I got it.

“The Green Leader would like to see you, now.”

 

Tord shot up from his seat. “Finally,” He mumbled.

 

He walked down hallway, through hallway, until he finally made it to his destination. After so many years, he can finally have a word with the Green Leader. He was rumored to be sly, silent, and extremely arrogant. Now, he’s going to see if that was true.

 

“Do I look presentable?” The Red Leader asks, turning to Paul.

 

“Wh- Uh- Yes! You look professional, sir…!”

 

“That isn’t what I asked. But, fair enough.” He exercises his robotic fingers for a bit, along with getting his eyepatch for his blind eye.

 

Honestly, back then, he wished his friends understood why he needed the robot.

 

But frankly they didn’t, and it costed his arm and eye. And now the apocalypse has begun. He needed to take over the world so this small little thing wouldn’t happen. Now it’s time to make up for it. The Green Leader was on the top of his game, despite the Green Army being new and all. 

 

Tord opens the door, the Green Leader was looking through the window behind. Red skies and Eye Aliens everywhere.

 

"So, you're the Leader of Green?" The Red Leader said, looking at the back of the other Leader's head.

 

"Mmm..." He mumbled, "Yeah. And I take it you're the Red Leader. Nice to meet you."

 

He spoke a bit roughly, but somewhat familiar.

 

The Green Leader turned his head, "Actually, it's real nice to see you again."

 

Tord's mouth dropped, "Edd?!"

 

"Ah, so you do remember an old friend. Or whatever I was to you." 

 

Tord was in shock. How the hell could Edd, of all people, raise such an amazing army?

 

"Where are the others...? Tom and Matt?" He managed to squeak out.

 

He sighed, "They left. I assume they're dead, but hell, I could be wrong!" He mocked Tord's laugh, "Well, they're all dead to me anyways."

 

"But-"

 

"I don't care. Let's get down to business. This is about the Eye-pocalypse, isn't it?" 


	24. Hello, Neighbor!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I want to kill myself, but I'm a weak little motherfucker.
> 
> Here's a fic.
> 
> I don't really enjoy writing 'x reader' things, so I made up an Eddsworld OC to fill the gap.
> 
> This was written for fun, there are flaws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Name: Poppy
> 
> Hair color: Strawberry Blonde
> 
> Hair length: Long, she often has to put it up in a ponytail
> 
> Skin: Slightly tanned, has freckles on her face
> 
> Eyes: Hazel
> 
> She wears glasses.
> 
> Usually seen wearing a yellow and white striped shirt, with white jeans.

“Hey! You’re new to the neighborhood, aren’t you?”  


You look up from your notepad to see who was speaking. A man, bit taller than you, with dark brown hair, peach fuzz, and a dark green button up shirt. He looks tired, but still willing to talk.

 

“Umm, yeah! Just moved in… Don’t mind me asking… But, who are you?”

 

“Oh, right,” He chuckled nervously as he crossed his arms, “Name’s Eduardo. I live next door to you.”

 

“Mmm, nice. I’m Poppy. I heard some strange stuff happened here. Something to do with a giant robot?”

 

“Yeah, your new house used to belong to these three- Probably four idiots that owned that thing.”

 

“Shocking. Hopefully nothing like that is gonna happen again!” You joked. You’re laughing, he doesn’t react.

 

“You know, I used to live with my two other friends. That robot took them away from me.”

 

The laughing stops.

 

“Oh… God, sorry to hear that.”

 

He shrugs, “You want help with those boxes?”

 

<\^/>

 

It’s raining.

 

“Hey Siri, what’s the nearest fast food restaurant?”

 

“The closest fast food restaurant is… Mcdonalds.”

 

Ew. Too lazy to cook, but Mcdonald’s is gross. You groan, then walk into your room, looking out the window.

 

Rain slides down the glass window, making everything slightly blurred, but still identifiable. Nothing’s out of place. There’s your yellow car and a random tennis ball on your lawn. Jeez, that’s boring. You look at your neighbor’s lawn.

 

There’s his car, a random couch outside and a cat, sad and alone, laying on it.

 

“Aww, poor thing.” You whispered. Poor thing. Cats don’t like rain. You love cats. But the real thing you should be thinking about…

 

Why the fuck does your neighbor have a couch outside his house? Screw laziness, you’re gonna help that cat, and worry about the couch another time. You grab your white coat and brown framed glasses, and headed out.

 

You look at the cat, it’s still alive. You pick it up, before catching a glimpse through your neighbor’s window. He walks into his basement door. Now that wouldn’t be weird, if you didn’t notice red eyes through the darkness. Grabbing the cat, you run back into the safety of your home.

 

You dry the kitten, and let it rest on the couch.

 

Now with the ~~pussy~~ cat safe you should probably look closer though the window. There just has to be an explanation.

 

With your wicked ninja skills from grade school, you sneak to your neighbor’s window.

 

There’s a spooky red glow from under the door.

 

Oof.

 

You “sneaked” to the door and twisted the knob. It catches you off guard, because who the fuck would be dumb enough to leave the door unlocked? That raised a red flag, but you can give less of a shit.

 

Soft tip toes, you get closer to the basement…

 

“What the fuck are you doing?!”

 

Shit.

 

You try to make a run for it, but your neighbor runs over and hits you over the head with a pan, knocking you out instantly.

 

<\^/>

 

 _“Meow~”_ A gray cat purrs, nudging you awake. Ugh.

 

Wait, what time is it?

 

**7:55**

 

What the hell happened?


	25. You can run, but you can't hide

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I'm gonna make you mine."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BTW this is Tord POV.

"Ugh, come on already! We're gonna be late for school!"

 

Your ears perk up from the bushes. You see a male, brown hair, green hoodie, holding two bags of lunch. You don't know his name, but he has been hanging out here too often.

 

"Chill out, I'm going, I'm going!"

 

There he was. Spiked hair, blue hoodie, and two beautiful black eyes. Thomas. He walked out of his house and met up with his friend.

 

"Jeez, if you keep this up, I'll have to ditch you! I hate waiting for you all the time!" Edd hissed, crossing his arms.

 

"Come on now, don't be that way."

 

"I mean it! And-"

 

You watch the two boys walk to school together. Mostly paying attention to Tom.

 

How sweet, cute, and lovely he was. He was a drug you needed to get. You wanted him so badly.

 

Seeing that the two are long gone, you crawled out the bushes. Sighing, you make your way to the school.

 

<\^/>

 

Here it is. Linking High School.

 

Your phone vibrates. 

 

**Ghost: Hey.**

 

You look at the text message, confused.

 

**You: Do I know you?**

**Ghost: I saw you stalk an upperclassmen today.**

**You: Do you have a problem with that?**

**Ghost: No. I wanted to give you some information about the boy he was with.**

 

What the hell? You read those texts again.

 

**Ghost: His name is Edd Goldriver.**

**Ghost: He has a crush on him.**

**Ghost: He believes in the myth about the flower gardens behind the school.**

**You: The myth that if you confess your love in that garden on a Friday, they are guaranteed to accept you confession?**

**Ghost: Correct.**

 

You wait for more texts.

 

**Ghost: He's planning to confess to him next Friday.**

**You: Why are you telling me this?**

**Ghost: I would be glad if something bad happened to dear old Edd.**

**Ghost: I think you might be the right person to give him what he deserves.**

**You: Who are you?**

**Ghost: I'm the one nicknamed "Ghost" at school.**

 

Oh.

 

**You: I've heard rumors about you. You blackmail girls and give panty shots to boys. Nobody knows your real name.**

**Ghost: The rumors are true.**

**Ghost: If you ever need a favor, text me a panty shot and I'll give you whatever support I can.**

**Ghost: If you want information about anyone in the school, just send me a picture of their face. I'll give you all the information I have on them.**

**You: You're disgusting.**

**Ghost: You're a stalker.**

**Ghost: If you want help, text me. If you don't care, ignore me.**

**Ghost: You have one week until your boy crush Thomas belongs to Edd.**

**Ghost: I hope you make him suffer.**

 

 

You read the texts over and over.

 

Then you look into your pictures of Tom stashed in your phone.

 

You're tempted. You'd do anything to make Thomas yours.

 

Time to give Ghost a call.


	26. I requested.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I requested a friend to write me an Eddsworld shitpost.
> 
> Enjoy.

It was a regular day at the three stooges house. Well, not really, nothing really is ever normal about the day for them.

  
Anywho, the bean in green was harassing the fridge. He acted as if it was a fucking crime scene. Which....IT WAS. THE GREEN BEAN'S COLA HAD BEEN.....STOLEN.

 

[queue dramatic gasp]

**** **  
**

Well, that's what he thought. Egg never really considered the other options to what could've happened to his precious Coke. And no, I don't mean drugs. So...Egg was upset, and you should never make Egg upset. He'll do anything to get his precious Coke. Like...seriously, he burned down an orphanage once...they probably deserved it.

 

Anyway, back to Egg. He looked everywhere in that fridge...he asked it questions, it was a full on interrogation. The fridge of course...never answered. The fridge was legit shook, dude. Egg however, wouldn't give up...he wasn't going to get any leads to his Cola like this...so, he resorted to Mud.

 

He went up to the house's attic, entering the ginger's room. Mud never cleaned his room, like, ever. So this shit was messy af. Egg got up the little pos ladder thing that leads to an attic, and made solid ground. Mud was making out with a mirror, as usual. He didn't even notice his friend, Egg, come up said pos ladder thing. Egg merely went to walk over to his 'friend'. BUT. Not before stepping on a fucking LEGO.

 

He screeched! Oh no...man, i can relate. Legos fucking hurt. It stuck to his footsie, as he struggled to get it off, he accidentally stepped on another one, on the other foot, adding more pain. He fell to the floor, landing in a pile of them. By now, Egg was fucking covered with these pesky little mistakes of a toy.

 

 ** _"_** ** _MUD, WHAT THE FUCK MAN."_** ,the bean screeched. Mud looked over in shock. _"_

 

 _MY LEGO HOUSE, YOU PIECE OF DOG DOO-DOO!!"_ , Mud screamed. Egg of course, still on the ground in pain, managed to ask his question.

 

 _ **"I JUST WANTED TO KNOW IF YOU'VE SEEN MY COKE! OR KNOW WHO TOOK ITTTTTTTTTTT-"**_ , Egg cried. Of course....Mud would blame Tum. So..he did.

 

 _"Egg! You KNOW I don't do Coke! Only an edgy alcoholic would do such a thing to look cool!"_ , Mud stated.

 

Egg....believed such. _**"Aw shit dude, you right."**_ , Egg managed to get up, the legos sticking to him. He simply waved a farewell to Mud, and went to Tum's room, walking in without warning.

 

 _ **"**_ _ **Ey shithead, did you get into my Coke stash?"**_ , Tum shook his head 'No', then flipped him off. Egg had interrupted Tum and his bass, Snowcone. They were making out. Duh. Egg huffed, obviously angery. He went into the bathroom to take a leak. He opened the toilet only to find that no one in this goddamn house knows how to flush, there...was a turd, that...oddly resembled someone he knew...suddenly, the turd turned around in the toilet. Egg failed to notice the Cola can next to it...but as soon as that turd turned around...a familiar norWOOgian accent stated, "HELLO OLD FRIEND." 

 

Egg gasped, _**"TURD!!!111!!!???//?"**_ , Egg yelled.

 

"YES, IT IS I, TURD.", Egg glanced over at the last Cola in the toilet, and started to sob, _**"IT WAS YOUUUUUUU, I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS!"**_ , the 'Turd' merely chuckled, he had the features of the familar norWOOgian friend.

 

"FRIENDS? WHAT WOULD I NEED FRIENDS FOR WHEN I'VE GOT THIS?", He gestured to the toilet, "IM UNSTOPPABLE!", Turd cackled, Egg had had enough. He...FLUSHED the evil Turd down the toilet, all that was left was the Cola can when the water went down for a moment, Egg just decided to give it to Tum. So..he did. He grabbed it with a glove and carried it over to Tum's room. Him and Snowcone were still making out, but Egg came in, so they stopped.

 

 _ **"**_ _ **Hey assmunch, I found the last Cola, you should take it."**_ , Egg calmly stated.

 

 **"Wot. Really? You never let anyone have the last of your Coke."** , Tum replied.

 

Egg forced it into Tum's hand, and left. Tum then opened it and took a swig. **"It's a lil' salty."** , Tum stated to himself.

 

That's disgusting.

  
**_ The end. _ **


	27. "Before what again?"

**GA: Week$, wo-w.**

**GA: That date wa$...**

**GA: Ni¢e.**

**GA: I enjo-yed yo-ur 2 ho-ur ¢o-nver$atio-n abo-ut No-rwegian ¢ulture and ¥o-ur$elf.**

**GA: But frankl¥, we have no-t dis¢u$$ed mu¢h abo-ut me.**

**GA: Do- ¥o-u no-t wi$h to- kno-w an¥thing o-n me?**

**CA: It's 11:15**

**CA: What are you doing up so late**

**GA: I am part o-f a no-¢turnal spe¢ie$.**

**GA: My blo-o-d is no-t $uit fo-r the har$h ra¥$ o-f the $un.**

**CA: Our sun is different than yours**

**CA: Whatever I'm up now**

**CA: So you wanted to talk about yourself**

**GA: ¥e$, if it i$ no-t mu¢h o-f a pro-blem!**

**CA: Yeah alright shoot you said you have violet blood right**

**GA: €o-rre¢t.**

**CA: What's up with that**

**GA: M¥ blo-o-d is ver¥ high up the hemo-$pe¢trum.**

**GA: I am basi¢all¥ ro-¥alt¥.**

**CA: Can you drop the damn quirk it's hard to read your texts**

 

You get up from the computer and grabbed a pillow. You sit down and bite into it, the fluff floats down from the tear.

 

**GA: Very well.**

**GA: If you have to be that way, can you at least use punctuation and commas?**

**GA: It truly helps me take you seriously.**

**CA: Stfu**

**GA: Childish.**

**CA: Fuck you**

**GA: How pitched this is.**

**GA: But I could care less.**

**CA: What does that even mean**

**GA: Black romance.**

**CA: Sounds like a racist rock band**

**GA: Oh my gog, be mature for once.**

**CA: >:P**

**GA: Sigh.**

**GA: Wow, I really felt that rage.**

**GA: Congratulations.**

**GA: And now I will leave you to rest.**

 

 

**glisteningAdmiration [GA] ceased trolling communistAnarchy [CA]**

 

How infuriating. You leave your husktop and walked to your huge window, opening it. There's the same old zip-wire.

 

Snatching a long, decapitated troll horn, you used it as a zipline as you jumped and zipped down into your lusus's building. And nailed the landing. Nice.

 

It's empty, all the remained was bones floating on top of a full bowl of water. It's upsetting, you loved your lusus. 

 

He was a dog, mixed with a diving bell spider. He may have looked terrifying, but he was probably the nicest being to ever exist. You miss him dearly.

 

There's metal rubbish littered about. 

 

Everything's a mess.

 

And you're lonely as ever.

 

You feel empty.

 

And you hate it.

 

-Bzzrt! Bzzrt!-

 

What the...

 

**glisteningAdmiration [GA] began trolling colaCutie [CC]**

 

**CC: ()][ my g()g. i t][()ug][t y()u were j()king ab()ut t][at ][ate date wit][ a ][uman,**

**CC: ][e wrecked y()ur ][ive. n()t ()nly that. ][e killed y()ur dad,**

**GA: I kno-w, I $aw, I heard, and sto-pped it.**

**GA: I am de$perate fo-r an emo-tio-nal to-u¢h into- m¥ empt¥ and ¢o-ld so-ul, it make$ me naive and blind.**

**GA: And ¥et I ¥earn fo-r the lo-ve that never reache$ me.**

**CC: s][ut t][e fuck up ab()ut t][at bulls][it,**

**CC: save it f()r t][e c()ffee s][()p,**

**CC: i'll teac][ t][e fucker a less()n,**

**GA: NO-, PLEASE DO- NO-T GET INVO-LVED WITH THIS.**

**CC: T()() late.**

**CC: i'm y()ur friend. and friends ][elp eac][ ()t][er,**

**GA: BUT FRIENDS DO- NO-T IGNO-RE SU€H REQUESTS LIKE THIS.**

**CC: well that sucks,**

 

**colaCutie [CC] blocked glisteningAdmiration [GA]**


	28. Japanese stuff, no thanks.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I need troll names for Matt and Edd oml

Although your friend would never kill or permanently hurt anyone, you can't help but hyperventilate.

 

But you aren't going to take that risk. You've got to stop him.

 

In a frenzy, you go through your multiple treasure chests. Each stashed with strange weapons from you ancestor.

 

You take the Omni-directional Gear, or the "Swiggity Swooter" as you call it. Hell yes, thank gog your ancestor was such a weaboo. It came complete with an Attack on Titan cosplay (or uniform?), but you don't like that anime. Plus that uniform is pretty stupid. The Omni-directional Gear is the only cool thing in that weeb comic.

 

With hand grips and other shit you don't know how to use, you swiggity swoop the fuck out of there.

 

<<\^/>>

 

You are now ~~Turd~~ Tord.

 

The sun came out, and it burns your fucking EYES.

 

"Oh boy, another day, another self-deprecating thought." You say out loud, even though you live alone and nobody is fucking there to listen.

 

**colaCutie [CC] began trolling communistAnarchy [CA]**

 

**CA: Not another one**

**CC: hey m()t][erfucker ][eard y()u d()ne s()me sinful s][it,**

**CA: I have many sins up my sleeve who do you think you are Jesus**

**CC: gasp,**

**CC: excuse me but,,,**

**CC: who t][e fuck is t][at**

**CA: [Goat_Hentai.PNG]**

**CC: ()H MY G()G W][AT T][E FUCK WAS T][AT,**

**CA: Who ever sent you can you tell them to leave me alone**

**CC: W][Y D() G()ATS BEND LIKE THAGT FJRMFKDO**

**CA: Get out of my face**

**CC: eXCUSE ME BITC][**

**CC: N(). YOU SH()W ME JAPANESE G()AT REPR()DUCTION N()W I WANT S()ME FUCKING ANSWERS,**

**CA: Im going to get breakfast leave me alone**

**CC: T][E M()ANING IS SCARRING ME**

 

**communistAnarchy [CA] blocked colaCutie [CC]**


	29. Lo-vely Vo-ices of So-il

A lime-blood, friends with a violet blood?

 

It’s a hard moirailship, but you’re very much not going to lose such a great troll.

 

Your lusus was being a bum, you went out and hunted him dinner.

 

It takes a bit, you need to check traps sometimes. And now, you settle onto your couch, and open your husktop.

 

You stare at the screen, watching the strange things Japanese humans do with goats. It’s utterly repulsive. They don’t even use buckets. So dangerous.

 

You click off it, deleting it completely from your husktop. So this human, is moving into your moirail’s caliginous quadrant? Worse, (Knowing him well) possibly the flushed quadrant.

 

No. It’ll crumble. You can’t live with petty guilt in your thinkpan.

 

You unblock him.

 

**CC: mettac,**

**CC: mettac,**

**CC: y() i unbl()cked you. please talk to me**

**GA: No-t no-w, I’m bu$y.**

**CC: n() y()u’re n()t,**

**GA: Huhuhu, ¥o-u kno-w me $o- well.**

**GA: Wh¥ the $udden intre$t, Ed?**

**GA: A¢tuall¥, the better que$tio-n i$...**

**GA: Wh¥ are yo-u talking to- me no-w?**

**GA: ¥ou alway$ avo-ided me.**

**GA: What made yo-ur $hift in ¢hara¢ter?**

**GA: And wh¥ are yo-u le$$ lo-yal to- me?**

**GA: I didn’t quite like that.**

You look at your screen. This was so unlike him, he sounds angry. A bit…

**CC: u][][... y()u ()kay,,,**

**GA: NO-**

**GA: I went to- get breakfa$t with the human.**

**GA:** **Ever¥thing wa$ $u¢h a co-lo-rful blur,**

**GA:** **We ¢o-mmuni¢ated a bit.**

**GA:** **He $eem$ intre$ted in o-ur ¢ulture.**

**GA:** **But he al$o-...**

**GA:** **...**

**GA:** **The o-ther human$ mo-¢ked me.**

**GA:** **He ju$t left o-ut of humiliatio-n.**

**GA: I felt awful.**

**GA:** **I walked ba¢k to- m¥ hive…**

**GA:**

**GA: I ¢an’t find my herb$.**

**GA: M¥ thinkpan a¢he$.**

**GA: There’$ thi$ hard po-und in m **¥** ¢he$t.**

**GA: It'$ burning my bo-dy....................................**

**GA:**

**GA:**

**GA:**

**CC: mettac what the hell is happening please fucking tell me**

**CC: youre scaring me**

You run into your closet and dragged the giant sword out. Ahh, memories. You got rid of a genie with that sword.

And this cute chick came out of Mett’s mirror.

-Ding!-

Another text.

**GA: do you hear them**

**GA: the voices of the soil**

**GA: they chant about a better way**

**CC: mettac**

**CC: hey buddy lets calm down for a bit**

**CC: ill help you find your herbs**

**CC: please just control yourself until then**

**GA: WHISPERS MY NAME**

**GA: and the voices spread sweet lies in my head :)**

**GA: i dont want to believe**

**GA: but i also dont want to feel shame anymore**

**GA: they promised**

**GA: and i shall fulfill**

**GA: im sorry**

 

**colaCutie [CC] ceased trolling glisteningAdmiration [GA]**

 

You make a mad dash to your transporter. 

 

He's going mad again.


	30. Gonna join the Occult for Senpai-

Everybody walks in groups, chatting about things that sound stupid.

 

Like always, you’re last to walk in the building. The rows of trees drop their green leaves as the wind blows.

 

Class doesn’t start right away, everyone gets into different groups. As much as you would like to snoop around and watch your precious Tom, you’ve got some exploring and planning to do. The first thing to do is raise your reputation.

 

You spot someone, slowly walking to his club. You take a quick picture of him and send it to Ghost.

 

**Ghost: You know, you take shitty pictures.**

 

**Ghost: Joking, I’m joking.**

 

**Ghost: His name is Larry Damuth**

 

**Ghost: He’s the head of the Occult Club.**

 

**Ghost: Fairly smart, but he’s a shy ass.**

 

**Ghost: I’d be careful with him if I were you.**

 

**Ghost: Try to be easy, and maybe he won’t shy away.**

 

**Ghost: Oh, but did I say fairly smart?**

 

**Ghost: He’s a true believer of the supernatural.**

 

**Ghost: So how smart can he REALLY be?**

 

“Umm, hi.”

 

“Hello,” You greet yourself, “Sorry to interrupt you, but… I’m trying to decide on clubs, and I heard you’re the leader of one club. Can I get some information?”

 

“Oh… Umm…” He blows his hair out of his face, “Yeah, that’s me. Are you interested in the supernatural…?”

 

“Yeah! I’ve seen some crazy shit! Did you hear? I think two of the students that attend here are werewolves!”

 

“Really?” His one eye lights up, “I’ve got to find them then… Oh. Umm… You seem pretty interested in my club…! I’ll give you the pamphlet during lunch… Gotta go find it, bye.”

 

He nervously walks away to his club.

 

Okay.

 

You wonder around the halls, until you see a curtained club.

 

“Info Club”

 

You peek inside.

 

…

 

It’s a strange silhouette, but you can see a bit of color from the light of the computer screen they’re using.

 

Ginger hair, purple hoodie-

 

“I know you’re there. Run along now. There’s nothing for you to see, here.”

 

Surprised, you walk away.

 

Okay… Weird. Whatever.

 

<\^/>

 

Class sucks, but it’s somewhat useful.

 

It’s lunch now, and you watch Tom eat an apple while reading his Harry Potter book. He sits near the water fountain, the trees drop their leaves…

 

He looks so handsome. Before you know it, you take a picture before hiding completely, to your destination upstairs. You look at the photo, cherishing it like a small child.

 

“Hey…” A familiar voice whispered.

 

“Oh, hey,” You answer, placing a fake smile on your face, “You got the pamphlet?”

 

“Yeah…” Larry hesitantly handed it to you, “I think I found the two you were talking about…”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Pat and Pau.”

 

“Umm…" You have no idea who they are, "Let’s go spy on them, shall we?”

 

"Alright... I'm Larry by the way... What's your name?"

 

"Tord."


	31. ECk

You spend your time, watching two males talk with Larry. You take a photo, and hide around the corner.

 

**Ghost: Oh, are you stalking other boys now?**

 

**Ghost: Such a bad boy.**

 

**You: Shut the fuck up and get me information you bimbo fuck.**

 

**Ghost: Alright, alright.**

 

**Ghost: The one with the thick eyebrows, that’s Paul Bridges.**

 

**Ghost: The other one is Patryck Buckholts.**

 

**Ghost: It’s rumored that they’re in love.**

 

**Ghost: But Paul is signing for the army in the future, so being in a relationship with Pat is NOT an option.**

 

They seem perfectly normal, except for their eyes.

 

Mmm… Larry walks toward you.

 

“What do you think…? Are they the ones you’re talking about…?”

 

“Yeah.”

 

The bell rings. You grab the short blond and run a good distance before letting him go.

 

“W-What was that for…?”

 

“They can’t know I was watching them. Sorry.”

 

“Oh… But if you are interested in the Occult… We’re hosting activies after school today… Just a heads up…”

 

“I’ll be there.”

 

He blushes a bit, “Thank you…”

 

**< \^/>**

 

The alarm goes off.

 

You get dressed before rolling down the stairs and walking to the kitchen.

 

How lovely. Cereal is shit. Toast is much better. You shove bread in the toaster, then went on your phone.

 

**Ghost is online**

 

Is Ghost always online?

 

**You: Hey.**

 

**Ghost: oh**

 

**Ghost: giv me a sec**

 

…

 

**Ghost: What are you doing up so early?**

 

**You: Getting ready for school.**

 

**You: Tell me, why do you want to be secretive to me?**

 

**Ghost: You’re my customer.**

 

**Ghost: I don’t need to show my glorious face to you.**

 

**Ghost: But I can see that you were a bit curious, seeing as you tried to sneak a peek yesterday.**

 

**You: Yeah…**

 

**Ghost: Look, as much as I hate to burst your little Occult bubble**

 

**Ghost: Larry has a small crush on your senpai.**

 

You froze. FUCK.

 

**You: Why didn’t you tell me that earlier?**

 

**Ghost: Yeah, sorry. My mistake, it won’t happen again.**

 

**Ghost: But I do know how you can get rid of him as a rival to your senpai.**

 

**Ghost: But frankly, I haven’t gotten a single panty shot.**

 

**Ghost: You know what you have to do.**

 

**You: But do they have to be panty shots?**

 

Your toaster dings.

 

You take the toast out.

 

**Ghost: Yes.**

 

**You: Fine**

 

And you run off.


	32. Yandere!Tord and some news??

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not news, really?
> 
> I was thinking of making the idea this oneshot (lol do I call them oneshots anymore?) into a separate fanfic.
> 
> To be much clearer...
> 
> I'll make more Yandere Simulator x Eddsworld on a separate fic. It'll be called, "Lovesick" like the original name of Yandere simulator. 
> 
> I mean, I'll still make one shots for fun. But I'm hyped! What do you guys think?

You walk one block.

 

“Shit! I forgot my laptop!”

 

You run back, snatch your laptop, and run out again.

 

“Shit! Shit! Shit! I’m going to be late!”

 

No time to stalk Tom. You’ve got to be at school on time, unless you want to be kicked out, worse…

 

Get a tardy.

 

You’ll curse yourself later. Getting to school is the prime-

 

-SLAM!-

 

Your overused backpack falls down with you, the toast seemed to have magically disappeared.

 

“Fuck! What the…?”

 

You look up, eyes meeting the black void of Tom’s eyes.

 

“Oh! Are you okay? Let me help you up.”

 

He holds his hand out, your face warmed up a bit as you took his hand. Holding his hand was like a forbidden love, brought into light. You almost fell back down when he pulled you up.

 

“I… I’m s-so sorry! I was late for school and-”

 

“Nah, it’s okay. I understand! Honestly, I’m running little late myself!”

 

He’s talking to you. 

 

“Uhh, oh my gosh, me too?”

 

Okay, that sounded stupid. He smirks a bit. The beating in your chest gets harder as he makes a small, “hah!”.

 

“You sure are the life of the one-person party! Wanna run to school together? I was waiting for someone, but I guess he really did leave me to waste!”

 

“Y-Yeah! Let’s go, last one there is a dead meme!”

 

You run, getting a head start. Tom runs after you, he’s a bit quicker than you are.

 

This felt like a dream. A perfect, wonderful dream. Not exactly how you wanted to first talk to him, but it’s probably the best you’ll get.

 

Before you knew it, you and Tom reach Linking High School, out of breath.

 

“Hehe,” Tom huffed, “Guess you’re a dead meme, now?”

 

“Pfft, I’ll never die!”

 

He catches his breath, “I’m Tom by the way, nice to meet you.”

 

Act cool, act cool.

 

“... I’m Tord! Uhh… Thanks for w- running to school with me!”

 

“Thomas!”

 

A hideous green creature growled, stomping over to Tom.

 

“I waited for you, but you come over with someone else?! What are you, a fucking hooker?”

 

“Uhh, do you think I’m hot enough for that?” Tom joked, elbowing Edd.

 

“No! I mean yes- Fuck!” Edd shouted, crossing his arms, “And who are YOU supposed to be?”

 

“This is Tord.”

 

“Hello,” You greet yourself warmly, giving the biggest fake smile you could give, “I-”

 

“I wasn’t actually serious! I don’t actually care. Hurry up Tom, we’ll be late for seminar!”

 

“Yeah, okay.”

 

Tom waves at you before walking Edd to class. You still smiled, digging your nails into your arm as you watched them together.

 

For once, you’re thankful to be a bit late for school.

 

...

 

You're bleeding.


	33. Snow.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> IT'S SNOWING
> 
> And Tom wants to drag Matt out with him.

It’s snowing.

 

“Master, can I play with Matt?”

 

“It’s cold out, you might get sick. Besides, Matt might b-”

 

…

 

“You might get sick.”

 

“Uh huh.”

 

Edd looked at his phone.

 

“Fuck. Okay. Go to him, just try not to get in trouble like last time.”

 

“Thank you,” Tom says, “Where’s the winter clothing, again?”

 

* * *

 

The small beast scampered to Tord’s house. He scratched on the door.

 

“Ah! Tom!” Tord chirped, “I’m guessing you’re here for Matt, correct?”

 

“ _Yes._ ”

 

“I’ll take that bark as a yes! Come in, come in.”

 

Tom shakes the snow off his fur before walking inside, purring at the warmth inside the house.

 

“Matt! Guess who’s here to see you?”

 

…

 

“He’s in the basement, you’re welcome to go down.”

 

And he did, tripping on the fifth step and tumbling down the stairs.

 

“Are you okay?!”

 

“ _NO._ ”

 

He gets up and walks peeks inside the room, seeing Matt reading Twilight with a box of tissues and a bottle of lotion near his air mattress.

 

“ _Hey Matt!_ ”

 

“ _F- Hey._ ” He answered, pulling the covers up.

 

“ _What’cha doing?_ ”

 

“ _Reading._ ”

 

“ _Oh, okay. It’s snowing out, you wanna go play?_ ”

 

Matt shifted a bit, “ _Alright, but I’ve got to change first._ ”

 

“ _Wh-_ ”

 

“ _I just do._ ”

 

* * *

 

 

“ _Isn’t the sun going to burn me?_ ”

 

“ _The sun isn’t out._ ”

 

“ _Oh. So… Winter clothes?_ ” Matt asked, going in the family closet and closing the door, making it easier to find what he needs.

 

“ _YES._ ”

 

" _Sorry! I've just never been in the snow!_ " 

 

" _Oh, you'll love it, I swear! Everything's white, but it's a pure beauty! When we get into town, we can see the frozen fountain!_ "

 

" _There. Is it suitable for the 'winter'?"_

 

A big, fluffy black snow coat, with his edgy black jeans?

 

Okay.

 

" _Yeah! You got a hat?_ "

 

" _No... They're not in black..._ "

 

" _... Whatever, let's g-"_

 

" _HOLD IT,_ " Matt hissed, picking up the small beast, " _You aren't wearing winter clothes!_ "

 

" _I don't need them._ "

 

" _Yes you do. I don't want to see you sick! In the closet we go!"_

 

" _Wait! NOOO-_ "


	34. Fuk

_"Wow! You're right, it is a big beauty in the snow!"_

 

Tom grumbled, trying to take off his pink pastel snow boots, failing miserably.

 

_"Tom, stop. I got you to wear them for a reason!"_

 

_"I'm not a fucking girl, you couldn't choose any other color. Only PINK?!"_

 

 _"Everything is a hand-me-down. Those were Paul's, so... I wouldn't be surprised if those were the only ones in the closet_."

 

_"For fuck's sake, I thought we were friends."_

 

 _"Heheh,"_ Matt chittered,  _"We are best friends! You just make it harder than your fucking dick."_

 

* * *

 

_"Can you turn into a bat?"_

 

_"Uhh... I don't know...? I'm sure that I can, but I don't know how..."_

 

Tom rushes in and stops Matt in his tracks.  _"Well, you've got to try it!"_

 

_"It's cold out here!"_

 

_"So?"_

 

_"I can freeze to death. I don't want to die just yet. Oh wait... I can't die."_

 

_"..."_

 

* * *

 

"I'm bored..."

 

"Yeah..."

 

...

 

Unknown of what to do, the vampire picks up a handful of snow, molds in into a sphere, and throws it at the small beast.

 

...

 

_"You're going to regret that."_

 

_"Fight me, you wank."_

 

Tom pounces onto Matt, completely knocking him down.

 

"Real fuckin' romantic move there." Matt said, trying to push Tom off.

 

"Well, I can't help that you're an idiot."

 

"Fuck you!"

 

"We're not in that relationship yet."

 

Matt completely shoves Tom off.

 

"You reeeeally want to be a fu-"

 

**"Hey you two, get inside before you catch a cold!"**

 

Matt got up, brushing the snow off, "Comin', ma..." 


	35. Where's Matt?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: Can you please do RedleaderTord x Future Tom x Greenleader Edd? If so, thank you very much :)
> 
> Author: You got it, reader.

“Red Leader.”

 

“Yes, Ed- I mean, G-Green Leader?” Tord stutters, putting his papers down.

 

Edd rolled his eyes and waved his hand over, “There’s something I need to show you.” 

 

Tord meekly got up and met up with Edd. They both walked through halls and halls of busy rescuers.

 

“Don’t mind me asking, but are you showing me one of the people you’ve rescued?”

 

“Yeah. We were doing the usual, “Save and Run”. But I’ve found somebody who might want to talk to you. They’re also here for… Another reason.”

 

“Oh.”

 

* * *

 

 

The Red Leader watches as the other leader type in digits into a door, and see it open.

 

He peeks in, Edd shoves him inside and locks the door. 

 

“Hey! What the hell?!”

 

“Sorry! My bad,” Edd sneered, “Well, since you’re in there now, go talk.”

 

Tord sighs. It’s slightly dim and the only strong source of light is coming from the red light of the door.

 

“Hello?”

 

“... Yeah?” A male’s voice mumbled.

 

Tord squints, whoever it was, he was sitting a bit far from the red light.

 

“Hey Edd, a little help please?”

 

…

 

A flash of white light floods the room. Tord reacts immediately, flinching and closing his eyes before slowly opening them again.

 

The other however, didn’t react at all.

 

“Thomas?!”

 

“Hmm?”

 

He shouldn’t have been shocked, but everything was a surprise all the sudden. 

 

“Thomas! Oh my god, i-it’s been so long! And you look… So bad…” The Red Leader sits next to the black eyed man in a fetal position on the ground.

 

“I mean… I guess. I can’t really tell.”

 

“What do you mean? Look at me.”

 

“I can’t.”

 

“Why?”

 

“I can’t see.”

 

Tord looked away, “What happened?”

 

“Don’t know. The last thing I remember, Matt told me we were under attack by weird, eyeball things.”

 

“It’s an apocalypse.”

 

“That makes sense,” Tom gets up, “Where’s Matt? He promised he wouldn’t leave my side.”

 

“I… I don’t know.”

 

Dear god, Tom didn’t like that answer.

 

“You saved him… Right...?! You couldn’t just leave him out there to be blind like me!”

 

“Thomas, I think that’s enough.” Edd said through the speakers.

 

“N-No! Matt is still out there, I’ve got to find him-”

 

“You’re blind. The chances of that happening is slim.”

 

“I don’t care, he was my only friend in the long run!”

 

Tord settled his hand on Tom’s shoulder, only to get slapped in response. For a blind man, he was very aggressive.

 

“You let him die!”

 

“We’re still looking for him!”

 

“Liar!” Tom was strong, despite being two inches shorter than The Red Leader. The short man screamed and attempted to choke the life out of Tord.

 

“That’s enough,” Edd groaned, getting a taser gun, “Time to take you down… Again.”

 

With a whirr of the gun, Tom was zapped unconscious, falling right onto Tord. Finally, the taller man can breathe.

 

“You’re welcome.” 

 

“What the fuck just happened?!”

 

“Well, somebody tried to st-”

 

“Don’t be a wise-ass with me.”


	36. We can burn her house down!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: I would like to see some tom x edd, and ot4 cuddles
> 
> Requested by: Tessa
> 
> Author's note: Thanks for requesting. Here you go.

“My girlfriend just dumped me.”

 

“What?”

 

Tom looked at his phone. “My girlfriend text dumped me.”

 

Edd looked at Tom with pity, “Oh… Gosh… I’m so sorry…”

 

“It’s fine,” Tom mumbled, still looking at his phone, “Means more drinks for me.” Tears were prickling his eyelids, he turns off his phone and puts it down. He proceeds to lay completely on the couch, and flip the other direction, so he wouldn’t sob in front of his friend.

 

Edd looked around, unknown what to do. Should he comfort his friend? Or…

 

This is a horrible idea.

 

“Matt! Tord! Get over here, it’s an emergency!”

 

Tord runs out immediately, while Matt falls down the stairs in a rush.

 

“Matt, you okay?”

 

“I’m great!” He picks up his broken mirror, “Aw. Not another one.”

 

“What seems to be the problem, Edd?” Tord asks, looking over to the depressed Tom on the couch.

 

“Tom just got his heart broken.”

 

Tord and Matt looked at each other before walking over to Tom.

 

“I’m fine, really!”

 

Matt sits on the leftover space on the couch, before giving the blue man a hug.

 

Tom shoves him off, “The fuck?! Get off me!”

 

“Hmm…” Tord thinks, “There’s only one way to cure a broken heart. We burn the heartbreaker’s house down!”

 

“Or… We can do the legal thing and do what Matt is doing!”

 

“Don’t-”

 

“Cuddle pile, now!”

 

“Very well.” Tord said, joining Matt.

 

“Guys, no…” Tom sniffed, getting up, “You’re all going to crush meee…”

 

“Nonsense! A little hug never kills anyone!”

 

Edd joined in as well, sitting in the last piece of empty space on the couch to give Tom a hug.

 

“So… We’re not burning their house down?” Tord asks, still clinging onto Tom’s legs.

 

“No!”

 

“Aww… I had gasoline ready for something like this!”


	37. Undead Dating

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Idk what this is
> 
> Mwahahahahahahhahahswgblufjwehqbfhbrrwbvgrjstillwannadie
> 
> Short because I'm not that into this shot.

Honestly this was the worse possible thing. 

 

He just wanted to have a good time, but got this instead.

 

How delightful.

 

"Matt, let's go! You're going to be late for our date!"

 

"Coming! Just give me a second-"

 

-Bang!-

 

Here he came, your dead old friend. Honestly that zombie apocalypse pretty much fucked up your love life. Your fucking boyfriend is dead, does it count as necrophilia?

 

"Sh'all we?"

 

"Fuck no, you smell."


	38. Good boy.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: I suck at requests but- Sadistic Red Leader Tord torturing/experimenting on a half shifted Monster!Tom??
> 
> Author says: Yeye okay.

He chuckled quietly, tapping on his lit cigarette and watching the ashes fall. “Well? What are we waiting for? Nobody else is gonna do it for me.”

 

“R-Right sir!” One of his advisers says, shaking a bit.

 

“Thank you. Wait for my signal.” The Red Leader continued to watch his little freak of nature.

 

It was human, but at the same time it wasn’t. It had dark purple pigment on it’s arms and legs along with sharp claws that Red was forced to trim. The color of purple didn’t stop there, it had a long, rat-like tail with the same purple horns that resemble a young goat’s horn.

 

It wears a blue hooded sweatshirt, with torn blue jeans, and a small black hoop piercing on it’s left ear.

 

Most of the Red Army feared it, but the Leader had a strange passionate love for the beast.

 

“Take him down and bring him to the experiment room.”

 

“Yes sir!”

 

The Leader watches in glory as the soldiers take the beast down, it screams in pain and fury, trying to bite their flesh of their bodies with those sharp fangs. It’s fun to watch, better than television. This is amusing, yes. But… It’s time wasting. Finally, someone pulled out the tranquilizer gun.

 

* * *

 

“Wakey, Wakey, Thomas.” Red crooned, running his hands through the beast’s spiked hair.

 

It wasn’t responsive at first, but when the Leader gave it a small kiss on the cheek, it woke up slowly and peacefully, purring like a kitten.

 

“Ah! You’re awake,” Red announced, “How’s your nap?”

 

Tom tries to move, confused that he isn’t in his old, blue room. He realizes the reason why, and tries to struggle out.

 

“Oh stop it, you can’t get off the restraining table until I finish working.”

 

Tom whimpers, restraints cutting into his skin. He stops in pain.

 

“Good boy. Keep cooperating with me, you might get a treat.”

 

* * *

 

The next hours were pure agony for Tom.

 

It started with cigarette burns. It made hot, chemical filled burns all over his body. Tom screamed, squirming at the touch of the cigarette.

 

Then Red tried chemicals, pulling off the beast’s pants and rubbing them on his thighs. It felt funny. Creativity stuck the leader, he started mixing some chemicals together, and stripping the beast of all his clothes.

 

The first combinations were horrible, felt like little knives stabbing into his skin. Another worsened the cigarette burns.

 

“Tord…” Tom whimpered, lilac tears poured from his voidless eyes.

 

The Leader grinned, “What is it, love?”

 

“Stop… Stop!”

 

“Don’t worry, I’m almost done. You’re doing very well. I think you deserve a break.”

 

Tord stopped, stepping back. Tom tried to wipe his tears away, calming down in the process.

 

After five or six minutes Tord came back again.

 

“Here we go, made this one out of boredom.”

 

Tom bit his tongue, expecting another wave of pain when the pink chemical came in contact with his skin. But no, the pain didn’t come.

 

He purred at how good it felt.

 

“Hmm… Not at all what I expected,” Tord mumbled in disappointment, “But, maybe just for you…”

 

The Leader rubbed the chemicals on the monster’s thighs, letting the wet pink liquid drip down onto the restraining table as the monster made soft sounds. His tail was going crazy, wagging in excitement.

 

“Be a little louder and I might give you what you want.”

 

“M… More… Higher! Higher!” Tom panted, dick hard with discomfort.

 

“Oh. You want me to touch you there. Well, I might if you beg a little harder.”

 

Tom whined, loud and desperate, he needed the release.

 

“Heheh, alright you needy fuck. Here’s your reward.”


	39. EddTam

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone requested EddTom, but I decided to give it a slight twist and another small thing.
> 
> EddTam chapter? More like "That one dating scene of your OCs recreated with fucking Eddsworld characters instead because I'm stuck on ideas and this came out instead."

“Doesn’t this look fun?” 

 

Edd looked up, bangs still covering his face,“... What is this, Tamara?”

 

“It’s a rollercoaster, silly! You want to try to go on it?”

 

“Alright.”

 

Although the name of the ride is probably the weirdest, it was the greatest thing to ever exist. Better, you’re sober and have a least likely chance to throw up on your boyfriend.

 

“Actually, I think I kind of regret this decision. I might fly out or something-”

 

“You’re not going to fly out of your seat. Whatever happens, I’ll be there for you.”

 

“I know but-”

 

“Edd. If it’ll make you feel better, I’ll hold your hand.” You assured him, carefully grabbing his hand and squeezing it.

 

It’s the first time he’s ever been on a ride. He would usually be too scared to go on one, this is probably the farthest he’s ever went.

 

“Y-Yeah! I can do this…!”

 

The ride starts up, Edd is squirming in his seat. He brushes his bangs out of his good eye and looks down, seeing that he’s so far off the ground already.

 

“T-Tamara…”

 

“It’s okay, Eddie. Just take deep breaths.”

 

“Tamara, I’m scared.”

 

The ride paused. The real deal was just about to begin.

 

“T-TAMARA!!”

 

“Sorry Edd-”

 

And the rush came, loud screaming, Edd held onto you for dear life.

 

* * *

 

“See? Not bad for your first time!”

 

The shorter green-hooded man was on the verge of tears. Honestly, you knew that was the last time he’ll ever do that. Almost had a fucking panic attack.

 

“Oh- Edd- Don’t cry! Umm… Hey, let’s go get you a cherry slushie! Veronica and JD’s favorite slush flavor!”

 

His face brightens up, a small smile on his face. You know how much he loves the Heathers. 

 

He’s such a loser. But he’s your loser.

 

You’ve gotta protect your loser and keep him happy.


	40. Plotting Murder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Guyyys can I ask for something? 
> 
> I never got a gift,,,, Can I get a gift?
> 
> Just want some....
> 
> Monster TomMatt fluff-

He’s cute.

 

That’s just one of the things to describe him.

 

What else is he?

 

Yours.

 

All yours.

 

You watch your little beast practicing, jumping hoops, running and avoiding obstacles, things like that. Going into the national championships, he needed to practice more.

 

Meaning spending less time with you.

 

That burns you on the inside. But no matter. You sneaked out. Tord would never know you left. Risk anything to go see your love in action.

 

The obstacles got more difficult, hoops were held higher, sharp plastic was in every corner, and tunnels were getting harder to get through. Tom was obviously frustrated, jumping all falling down along with the hoops, bleeding from plastic, and he was a bit too chubby to fit through the tunnels.

 

“Looks like we’ll need to get you into a new diet,” Edd announced, helping his monster Tom up, “I’ll go see what I can do, don’t run off.”

 

Edd leaves, Tom grumbles and paces left and right.

 

You pity the poor guy. This was everything he worked hard for, and he’s going to fail just because he couldn’t lose a few pounds. How heartbroken he’ll be…

 

Who the fuck is she?

 

No, what the fuck is she?

 

Another monster, female. She has strange golden and black thin flaps around her neck, like frilled neck lizards. Not only that, golden horns that were shaped beautifully on her head, curved and shining in the light. Wings flapped as she announced her arrival. She's a dragon. 

 

She was beautiful, and so was her owner.

 

You watched the dragon as she passed the objectives like it was nothing. Her movements were gracefully, she jumped with such energy. Her owner, dark-haired and blue eyes, cheered her on.

 

Tom was in awe. It didn’t last long before he walked over to her, barking and asking how she could do all of that with such ease.

 

Such a bitch she was. Such a rude tone in her hiss. She watched Tom, just like you did. She called him pathetic for not being able to do something so **EASY** , and called him too fat because he couldn’t pass the tunnels.

 

That got him riled up, he started barking angrily at her as she kept bringing negative comments to him. It got so bad he almost looked like he’d kill her. He ran away clearly upset, lilac tears dripped on the ground.

 

You clenched the wall you were hiding behind so tightly, you broke pieces off of it.

 

_ How  _ **_dare_ ** _ she? Tom is not pathetic and he isn’t fat either! _

 

You dropped the pieces of wall on the ground and absconded. She is not going to get away with insulting him like that. 


	41. "I think I killed someone"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yeah it's bad, but I just wanted to get this over with.

Even in a humanoid form, that bitch is still pretty.

 

That really sucks.

 

The Golden Dragon was doing things female humans would usually do, putting on makeup. Which is actually not allowed. Hahah. Humans must really think unequally of monsters.

 

The monster’s locker room is a bit dim.

 

You inched slowly and silently trying hard not to make her look behind. Being a vampire has it’s good and bads, one of the goods… Nobody being able to see your reflection. You lift your hand, left it close to her hair. You ponder if this is really what you want to do. Is killing her really worth it? A part of you says no. The rest is just hungry. You didn’t eat.

 

But then the crippling idea of Tom losing and shaming himself, brings you to grab the Dragon’s golden locks and slam her face into the mirror. Black blood was left on the mirror, where you slammed her head at. It’s shattered.

 

You look down, see her sob. Pathetic. She’s bleeding from her forehead, makeup smudged, mascara ruined with her tears.

 

For once, you felt powerful. Like you’re in control.

 

You ran your finger through the black blood and licked it off. Such a rare blood for a dragon.

 

She screams, you kick her.

 

“Scream, I’ll kill yer owner.”

 

She laid silent. You need to kill her, she’s seen your face. 

 

The first thing that comes to mind, stomp on her chest.

 

You did. 

 

Then stomped on her a bit lower. Around the ribcage and stomach.

 

You want to spice it up.

 

You grab a big shard of mirror and cut her with it. Legs, arms, then neck. It would’ve been nice to sample more of the blood.

 

But you needed to run before someone walks in on you near a corpse.

 

* * *

 

You begged Tord to take you to the monster championships. He wasn’t willing at first. But you bugged him enough to go.

 

You get in an argument with Paul, as usual. You just said you were certain Tom was going to win, but Paul thought the werecat was going to win.

 

You saw the white feline. Dear god she was huge. Bigger than Tom.

 

No matter. You take Tord’s ‘emergency cult punch’ and excused yourself to the bathroom.

 

The games were going to begin, you slip the drink in the cat’s water.

 

* * *

You sit and watch the games, seeing Tom happily play his games.

 

The process was slow, but the big cat had to be excused for treatment. 

 

Paul groaned while you chant “I told you so” over and over again.

 

In the end, your sweetheart Thomas won first place. Edd was ecstatic, rewarding Tom with praise and petting. Tom looked around the crowd, searching for something.

 

“ _ Tommy! _ ” You scream, waving your black umbrella.

 

Oh boy was he happy to see you.

 

“ _ Give me a smile, Tommy! _ ” 

 

He did, barking loudly. There’s that smile you long and live for. 

 

Your work here is done.


	42. A/B/O TomTord

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is what happens when I don't get requests in a fuck long of time.

“Motherfucker, go to your weak ass smelly  ~~ beta  ~~ omega I can’t handle the fucking smell of loneliness and desperation.” Edd groaned lazily, kicking his bag of baby kittens into his room to sacrifice.

 

“But Egg, I don’t want wanna fuck smelly red cummunist!!!1!”

 

“Stfu Tommie give him the cummies.” Edd grabbed a ritual knife and went into his room, locking the door.” Tom can hear the screaming of babie kitties.

 

“Damnit egg”

 

Tom slides out of the room and crawled upo the stairs.

 

“Turd were are u”

 

“OVER HERE BIG BOY-”

 

Tom opens the door with his  t h i c c  ass, then looks insid

 

“Oh~ My dank engine~ You came~”

 

“Shut up, gay i’m just here to rid this house of your sinful scent.”

 

“Ye okie daddy fuck me satan”

 

Tom rolls his eyes as he fucking TORE turd’s pants of liek an ANIMAL. HE proceded to suck turd OFF.

 

“ ~~ Thotmas  ~~ Thomas, if r u a tank engine?”

 

Tom was sick of Tord’s shit and bit his dick off.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually hate A/B/O fics.


	43. Ghost Wizards!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Based on a google game.
> 
> Just in case you're confused:
> 
> Edd -> Black Cat  
> Matt -> Fluffy Dog  
> Tom -> A Pumpkin Creature  
> Tord -> A Sleepy Owl
> 
> They're all wizards.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> No shipping was intended this is a CHILD FRIENDLY FIC.

You read a spellbook. Nothing too special. Your paws flip through pages of wand and potion rituals.

 

“Edd, do you think ghosts exist?” Matt barked, fiddling with his wand.

 

“Nah,” You respond, “Ironic you say that, I found a page where you can summon a ghost.”

 

“Really? Lemme check it out!”

 

“Don’t leave me out,” Tom chittered, the small pumpkin creature walks over to take a look. Tord, however, was sound asleep. Lazy owl.

 

**maybe y0u sh0uld listen and n0t perf0rm this spell y0u may save a life this is y0ur final warning**

 

Matt barks, the book suddenly shakes.

 

“MATT WHAT DID YOU DO?!” 

 

“Nothing!”

 

The book suddenly floats in the air. You look at it in confusion.

 

An angry, but fluffy looking ghost takes it, cackling while doing so. It whistled, taking the sleeping Tord and the book with it. The window broke as it made time for the ghost to get away.

 

“MOTHERF-”

 

You run after it, Matt and Tom follow along with wands in paws.

 

Through the library, ghosts come by and harass you. They have glowing signs on their bellies.

 

“How do you guys think we’re going to get through them?”

 

“Don’t know about you guys, but I think we should wave our wands to the signs.”

 

“What.”

 

“Watch me.”

 

Tom runs up to one with a V sign, he waves his wand like a V, the ghost disappears.

 

“Ah! I get it! Ish.”

 

Matt does the same thing, and so do you. 

 

The place has been cleared of ghosts after a while, the three run off to save Tord.

 

You go room to room until you make it to the outside, flying broomsticks ready for your use. You all hop on and fly away.

 

“Don’t worry Tord! We’re coming!”

 

“That’s a big ghost.” Tom says, a sound of boredom in his voice.

 

You hissed loudly to get it’s attention. It laughs loudly. The owl is wide awake, holding the book.

 

“That’s the last straw! Nobody fucks with my friends, except me!”

 

The ghost lifts an eyebrow as it summons more ghosts for it army.

 

“Ready guys?”

 

“No.” Matt whimpers.

 

“Too bad! AAAAAAA-”

 

“AAAAAAA-”

 

“Aaaaaa.”

 

The ghost growls as the army charges.


	44. Edd and Matt harass Tom

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> gay

“Hehehehe…”

 

“Shut up, you two.”

 

“Hohohoho…”

 

“Matt, Edd, fucking stop.”

 

“Huhuhuhu…”

 

“STOP BREATHING.”

 

“That’s not very nice!”

 

“Yeah! Why can’t you be a sweetheart like my vanilla, here?”

 

Tom turns to see the two sugar-hyped lovers, floating in mid air and giving each other smooches on the cheeks. Their eye bleeding bright colored clothes were so hard to look at.

 

“Because, for one thing, life is too shitty for happy people. Second thing, you’re both really annoying. Can you guys at LEAST be gay in SILENCE?”

 

Edd and Matt look at each other, swirled eyes lock together for three seconds before giggling. Tom groans in annoyance, covering his ears. He shifts a little bit of the couch.

 

Mistake number one.

 

Edd and Matt settle down next to Tom.

 

“Fuck off, you two.”

 

“Nooo! We just CAN’T stand our friend being so sad! Maybe we can help you!”

 

“Fuck no, I don’t need help. Especially from you two.”

 

They both stare at the blue alcoholic, before right on cue, pull him into a hugging sandwich.

 

“Stoooop, you both REALLY don’t know personal space, don’t you?”

 

“Nope!”

 

“Nah.”

 

“Great.”

 

“Eddie, do you think he tastes like pineapples?”

 

“Maybe!”

 

“Wait, don’t-”

 

Just as Tom thought they were going to lick him, the two sugar boys kiss him on the cheek.

 

There’s a sudden flash a blue smoke, the color blue shifted to yellow, green…

 

“FUCK.”

 

“Oh the mighty fall.” Edd sneered as he tugs Tom off the couch.


	45. Listen close to everybody's heart

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And hear that breaking sound.

**> Be Larius**

 

It’s time. You take the Matriorb and run to your leader.

 

**> Tell your leader where you’re going**

 

“Eddius?”

 

“][mm?”

 

“I’m returning tø the cøre tø depøsit the Matriørb. Wish me luck.”

 

“W][()a, what the heck?! I mean, t][at’s great, if t][at’s w][at y()u want t() d() wit][ it, but y()u can’t g()! I need y()u ][ere, l()()k ar()und! Everyt][ing’s in may][em!”

 

“I’ll ønly be gøne for a few minutes. And besides, yøu’re døing a gøød jøb leading, and I think yøu can cøpe with me being gøne før a bit.”

 

“Fine, in t][at’s t][e case… G()()d luck, I ][()pe it w()rks.”

 

“Thank yøu.”

 

You head to the transporter, but before you could…

 

**> Be Tordus**

 

You zap into the room, bumping Larius to the ground. He scrambles up, completely caught off guard.

 

“LariuS! I’vE BeeN MeaninG TO ThanK YoU!”

 

“Før what?” He grabs an item off the ground, making sure it’s okay.

 

“FoR AlL ThE TraininG YoU DiD. I Wouldn’T HavE BeeN ThE GreatesT GuN ShooteR I AM NoW, WithouT YouR HelP.”

 

“I didn’t even really train yøu, I just gave yøu a magical gun.”

 

“WelL, I GuesS That’S AlL I NeedeD. I JusT WanteD SomeonE TO ShoW A LittlE FaitH IN ME… I ReallY OwE IT TO YoU, MidblooD.”

 

“Ah, well then, yøu’re welcøme!”

 

“CoulD YoU MaybE… ComE AnD TeacH ME MorE AbouT ThiS GuN?”

 

“Uhh… Sure. Later, maybe.”

 

“WhaT ArE YoU DoinG, AnywaY? WhaT IS ThaT?” You point at the ball with troll horns poking out it.

 

“The Matriørb. I’m gønna hatch it in the cøre tø save øur race.”

 

“ThaT HatcheS… TrollS OF AlL BlooD, RigtH?”

 

“Yeah?”

 

“YoU Should’vE TolD ME AbouT IT! BlooD BinDs OuR RacE, AS ThE PrincE OF BlooD, I DemanD TO BE InvolveD. SO, Don’T GO AnywherE WithouT ME, Got IT?”

 

“But-” Larius was about to protest, but gave up, “Fine.”

 

“New gun, T()rdas?” Eddius asked.

 

“Yep.”

 

Eddius walked to you, chatting at first, before it changed into an argument. You leave him, mid sentence and he just growls angrily at you, flipping you off before walking back to his husktop.

 

**> Talk to Mettac and Tommas**

 

“0h g0d, 0t’s h0m. M0tt, c0n y00 t0ll h0m t0 g0 0w0y, 0 d0n’t h0v0 th0 p0t00nc0 f0r th0s!”

__(Oh god, it’s him. Mett, can you tell him to go away, I don’t have the patience for this!)_ _

 

“HeY MR. BluE BallS, ThiS Doesn’T ConcerN YoU. It’S OnlY FoR MetT AnD I.”

 

“H0’s n0t 0nt0r0st0d.”

__(He’s not interested.)_ _

 

Mettac puts his mirror down, looking straight at you with no expression, “To-rda$. Plea$e. I do-n’t want anymo-re fighting. And do-n’t even tr¥ to- pro-vo-ke him, either. I kno-w what ¥o-u’re do-ing, tr¥ing to- $park rivalr¥ to- get me to- au$pisti¢ize between ¥o-u two-, and pulling u$ o-ut o-f thi$ quadrant. It’$ the o-ldest tri¢k in the bo-o-k, and I’d hate to- be a part o-f it.”

 

“SucH AN AccusatioN. AS IF ThiS LoseR IS WortH A RivalrY WitH. AnD I’M OveR YoU. I JusT WanT TO HavE A WorD.”

 

“Fine, we ¢an talk, if ¥o-u’re go-ing to- be ¢ivil abo-ut it.”

 

“That’S WhaT YoU NeveR GoT, MetT. You and I, WE NeeD TO StaY TogetheR. FriendS SincE WrigglerS, RemembeR? I Can’T StanD TO LosE YoU, EveN IF YoU BrokE MY SentimenT OF FlusH. SO, I’M GonnA AsK YoU OnE LasT TimE AnD GivE YoU A ChoicE. I’M AbouT TO LeavE, ArE YoU CominG, OR NoT?”

 

“Co-ming with-? To-rd, ¥o-u weren’t $erio-u$ abo-ut running awa¥ fro-m Edd’$ Wo-rld, were ¥o-u?”

 

“OF CoursE I WaS. AnD WE CaN DO IT TogetheR. We’vE GoT NothinG TO FeaR, NoT EveN EcducH, WitH HiS UglY PurplE AttirE AnD WingS.”

 

“H0h0h! Th0s 0s th0 m0st st0p0d0st th0ng 0’v0 0v0r h00rd! H0 d0c0r0t0s 0n0 0f h0s f0k0 w00d0n g0ns, 0nd n0w h0 th0nks h0’s 0 f00ry 0r s0m0th0ng! W0w!”

_(Hahah! This is the most stupidest thing I’ve ever heard! He decorates one of his fake wooden guns, and now he thinks he’s a fairy or something! Wow!)_

 

“WaS ThaT JusT SlandeR I HearD, I Can’T EveN TelL. OR MaybE You’rE JusT ThaT StupiD.”

 

“But he do-e$ have a po-int. Maybe ¥o-u’re o-vere$timating ¥o-ur abilitie$. Leaving Edd’$ Wor-ld ha$ MAJO-R ¢o-n$equence$. I do-n’t want to- $ee ¥o-u do- an¥thing $tupid, being alo-ne o-ut there.”

 

“AlonE? ArE YoU FuckinG NutS? I’vE SlaughtereD EnougH HentaI MonsterS TO KnoW MY PlacE AgainsT WitH GodS OF CreatioN AnD DestructioN. I’M NoT GoinG AlonE. I’M RunninG WitH DemonS AnD AngelS BY MY SidE. I’M JoininG SO I Won’T BE A WeaK ParT OF ArmageddoN.”

 

“¥o-u’re what?!” He exclaimed, this is probably the first time you’ve ever seen him so shocked.

 

“AnD You’rE GoinG TO JoiN ME JoininG TheM, Let’S G-!”

 

“W0w, th0t’s 0t, h0’s l0st 0t.”

_(Wow, that’s it, he’s lost it.)_

 

“NO-, I’M NO-T! And ¥o-u’re no-t either! That’$ fu¢king in$ane! I tho-ught ¥ou were the Prin¢e of Blo-o-d! Ho-w can ¥o-u be a prin¢e when ¥o-u $urrender like a ¢o-ward?!”

 

“There’S NO WaY ArounD IT! AS ThE PrincE OF BlooD I AM AblE TO SeE ThE FuturE IN DangerouS SituationS LikE ThesE. ThiS IS ThE OnlY WaY WE CaN EscapE OuR FuturE TerrifyinG DeathS. We’rE TunA BE SafE, JusT ListeN TO ME!”

 

“NO-! ¥o-u have lo-$t all yo-ur aquati¢ related privilege$, a$ well a$ o-ur friend$hip!”

 

You bloodpumper hurts even more. You take in a deep breath, trying to get in character of your larping figure, Red Leader. It's the only way you can be serious and cold.

 

“AT LeasT I Won’T HavE TO DeaL WitH EdD AnD HiS StupiD ColA AddictioN.”

 

His face got heated with a shade of royal violet. “That’$ it! Thi$ I$ go-ing to- be a terrible fate, but I have to- $to-p ¥o-u!”

 

“H0’s r0ght. 0nd 0 w0s l00k0ng f0rw0rd t0 0 b0ttl0 0f g0ggl0 syr0p. I sh00ld’v0 h0rp00n0d y0u wh0n 0 g0t th0 ch0nc0.”

__(He’s right. And I was looking forward to a bottle of giggle syrup. I should’ve harpooned you when I got the chance.)_ _

 

Tom gets up, tilting to one side a bit, still a bit drunk from his last bottle of ‘giggle syrup’.

 

“IS ThaT A FighT SmelL? BrinG IT, AssholE.” You sneer, imagining his blue blood splayed all over the walls.

 

“Gu¥$! Gu¥$, $to-p!”

 

**> Be Mettac**

 

You attempt to break the two trolls up, but Tommas was determined to kill Tordas.

 

Tommas started attempting to shoot the other, Edd screams, hiding under the desk. Tordas ran in different directions, dodging the magical harpoons swiftly. You did nothing but stand while Larius is just stunned.

 

“Sh0t!”

__(Shit!)_ _

 

He eventually ran out of harpoons. Tord’s eyes lit up as he shot with a bullet, the white glowing bullet went straight to his face, exploding when it made contact with Tommas. He hits and falls down against the wall. You didn’t even check if he was alive, always thinking the worse. There’s his blue blood on the wall, dripping onto the ground.

 

You let out a cry, running to him and falling onto your knees.

 

“T-To-m…!”

 

Tordas grabs you by the hair, forcing you to get up.

 

“Let’S GO.”

 

“T-”

Larius runs over, preparing to use his weapon. Tord sees this, shooting another bullet. This one didn’t explode this time, and it left a gaping hole in his chest as he slowly looked at with his final living moments. He looks in surprise, then gags his jaded blood, falling down.

 

Dead.

 

“LARIU$!” You scream, your hand shot up.

 

Tord looks around, seeing no troll around from where he can see, before pulling you away.

 

You try to stay back, but he threatens with his weapon. Edd watches, staying completely silent.

 

It’s hopeless.

 

The Sylph of Heart surrenders to the Prince of Blood.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Credit to jackinthebox123 for Edd's, Tom's, and Tord's troll names.


	46. Scared S][itless

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Eddius tries.

**> Be Tordas **

 

You picked up the  Matriorb, before pulling the violet blood with you.

 

“HolD ThiS,” You commanded.

 

“Wait! What i$ thi$-”

 

You trasportalize out of the room with Mettac.

 

**> Be Eddius**

 

You wait a bit, just in case Tord comes back for something. You crawl out from under the desk, shocked from the pass of events.

 

**> Examine Larius**

 

“Larry, y()u ()kay? ][ey- ()-()][ g()d… What has he d()ne… LARRY?! Please just tell me that’s j-just grub sauce. ][a][a][...” Oh, look at that. You’re crying like a little wriggler.

 

**> Examine Tommas**

 

You wipe your tears and sigh in relief at the fact that Tommas is not DEAD. He’s merely KO’D.

 

You probably couldn’t handle your best friend being dead.

 

**> Examine Larius’s husktop**

 

You open Larius’s husktop, someone was trying to contact him.

 

**Eddius.**

**MC: w][at,**

**MC: l()()k buddy. im getting tired ()f this s][it,**

**MC: c()ntact me later**

**Wait, don’t leave.**

**Just hear me out.**

**Just don’t turn your back on the corpse.**

**You might live another sweep.**

 

“T][e fuck.” You turned around, seeing the two trolls on the ground.

 

Your husktop dings, a warning from Jonhuk. Huh. Too scared to read it.

 

You must make a memo to protect your friends from the danger that Tordas is.

  
  


**CURRENT eddsWorld [CEW] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board GUYS ][()LY FUCK.**

 

**CEW: ()kay s(). t][is may ()r may n()t be t][e last mem() ill make,**

**CEW: f()r ()ne thing. t][eres n()t muc][ t() say,**

**CEW: an()t][er t][ing. i mig][t die,**

**CEW: the t][ief ()f rage has ascended**

**CEW: yea][ im surprised. t()(),**

**CEW: i guess ][e really is numer() un()?**

**CEW: lau was wr()ng about ][im being weak. t][at guy can kick s()me ass.**

**CEW: y()u know. f()r a nuclear ][ead,**

 

**PAST numeroUno [NU] 420 hours ago responded to memo.**

 

**PNU: excuse me thats rude.**

**PNU: and wow 1m the f1rst.**

**PNU: thats p cool**

**PNU: maybe you all should treat me w1th a b1t of respect now alr1ght.**

**CEW: y()ure ann()ying,**

**CEW: y()ure g()ing t() regret y()ur ()wn existence w][en im d()ne wit][ y()u**

**PNU: youre com1ng a b1t strong there eddie.**

**CEW: ug][. just die,**

 

**CEW banned PNU from responding to memo.**

 

**CEW: anyways,**

**CEW: t][e prince of blood has t][e sylph of ][eart,**

**CEW: t()m g()t kn()cked ()ut w][ile lar is DEAD,**

**CEW: im g()nna try to revive him,**

**CEW: f()r metts sake and mine,**

 

**PAST glisteningAdmiration [GA] 380 hours ago responded to memo.**

 

**PGA: My $ake?**

**PGA: Ho-w flattering and kind o-f yo-u.**

**CEW: ()h g()d, Mett.**

**PGA: Apo-lo-gie$, but I** **¢** **anno-t $mo-ther the intelligen** **¢** **e to- de** **¢** **ide whether o-r no-t to- believe** **¥** **o-u are telling the truth.**

**CEW: yes. im seri()us,**

**CEW: im s() s()rry,**

**PGA: $o-rry fo-r what, Edd?**

**CEW: i,,,**

**CEW: i cant d() t][is. im s()rry,**

 

**CEW banned PGA from responding to memo.**

 

**CEW: bef()re i go. i want t() p()int ()ut ][()w much ()f a little s][it t()rdas is,**

**CEW: killing ()thers wit][ ][is magic gun,**

**CEW: keep an eye ()ut f()r him,**

**CEW: if i see ][im,**

**CEW: well,**

**CEW: ][e better pray t() ][is dead ][entai m()nsters t][at w()nt ][appen,**

 

**PAST giantRobot [PGR] 311 hours ago responded to the memo.**

 

**PGR: MagiC GuN, EY?**

**PGR: SoundS PrettY CooL.**

**PGR: BuT ComE ON EdD, EveryonE KnowS ThiS MemO IS RubbisH.**

**CEW: ][ey c()mmie,**

**CEW: c()nsider ()ur friends][ip ()ver,**

**PGR: AwW, WhY?**

**CEW: youre dead t() me,**

**CEW: past. present. future y()us,**

**CEW: y()u better believe ill ][ang y()ur neck wit][ t][e c][ains ()f my lucky can,**

**PGR: KinkY. :)**

**CEW: ()][ MY G()D,**

**CEW: maybe if y()u st()pped being suc][ a ][()rny fuck. Mett w()uldve liked y()ur s()rry ass,**

**PGR: I’M SorrY, IS HavinG A PersonalitY A ProbleM?**

**CEW: f()r y()ur case. yes,**

**PGR: WoW.**

**CEW: fuck y()u,**

 

**CEW banned PGR from responding to memo.**

 

**CEW: i guess t][ats it,**

 

**FUTURE honeyPoptarts [HP] 0:42:00 hours from now responded to memo.**

 

**FHP: HEHEHE.**

**CEW: o][ g()d,**

**FHP: SUP BITCH, MISSED ME?**

**CEW: ][ell t() the n() n() n() i d()nt miss y()u**

**FHP: :D**

**FHP: WHAT SEEMS TO BE THE PROBLEM?**

**CEW: y()u snapped. and t()rdas just tr()llnapped mett and t()()k the matri()rb wit][ ][im,**

**FHP: SO SAD.**

**FHP: IT WOULD BE A SHAME IF A little, BLUEBLOODED TROLL BROKE IT…**

**CEW: y()u w()uldnt dare,**

**FHP: I CAN TAKE AWAY YOUR FUTURE, BITCH.**

**FHP: JUST WATCH ME.**

**FHP: I’LL STEP ON IT, WHACK IT WITH THE BONES OF YOUR LITTLE SHIT FRIENDS.**

**FHP: :)**

**FHP: BYEEE ;)**

 

**CEW closed memo.**


	47. h0t p0ck0ts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> more

**>  Smooch the corpse**

 

This is gonna be gross. But you have to try.

 

You kneeled down, picking up the jadeblood.

 

You almost gag, it’s just so gross.

 

Come on… Come onnnnn…

 

Your lips meet his, you sob desperately before dropping your dead friend.

 

But alas, he couldn’t be revived.

 

There’s loud growling in the distance.

 

**> Run**

 

No. Not yet. You’re forgetting someone.

 

**> Take Tommas**

 

Alright.

 

You drag Tommas with you, some of his blood puddles on the ground. You leave and trip down a flight of stairs.

 

**> Be Markin**

 

SUSPSIOUS!! 

 

You finally found the computer room, empty and bloody.

 

Wasn’t the seadweller supposed to be here?

 

He was!

 

Where did he go?

 

You’ve got to warn him about the anonymous mutant blood!

 

Or maybe you’re too late.

 

Shit. This happens all the time.

 

You run off. Going into one of the unscrewed vents.

 

**> Be Tommas**

 

Wake up.

 

You awoken spitting out blood and clumps of other things that you’re sure isn’t supposed to be in your system.

 

“T()m!”

 

You snatch Edd’s headphones.

 

“W][at are y()u d()ing?”

 

**drunkenHarpooner [DH] began trolling silentRoyalty [SR]**

 

**DH: m0rk**

**SR: --- .... / -- -.-- / --. --- --- -.. -. . ... ... / .. / - .... --- ..- --. .... - / . ...- . .-. -.-- --- -. . / .-- .- ... / -.. . .- -..**

**DH: y00h c0ngr0ts w0’r0 n0t d00d y0t**

**SR: .... --- .-- / .- .-. . / -.-- --- ..- / ..-. . . .-.. .. -. --. --..-- / - --- -- -- -.--**

**DH: s0b0r**

**SR: ... .- -- . .-.-.-**

**SR: .-- .... . .-. . .----. ... / -- . - - / .- -. -.. / . -.. -.. ..--..**

**DH: 0dd 0s r0ght h0r0 w0th m0**

**DH: M0tt 0s**

**DH: t0rd0s h0s h0m**

**SR: --- .... / -. --- / .-- . / .... .- ...- . / - --- / ..-. .. -. -.. / .... .. --**

**DH: w0r0 w0rk0ng 0n 0t**

**SR: -- .- -.-- -... . / .-- . / ... .... --- ..- .-.. -.. / ... - .. -.-. -.- / - --- --. . - .... . .-. / .- -. -.. / ..-. .. -. -.. / .... .. --**

**DH: wh0r0 0r0 y0u 0nyw0ys**

**SR: .. -. / - .... . / ...- . -. - …**

**DH: 0h**

**SR: .. .----. .-.. .-.. / - .-. -.-- / - --- / ..-. .. -. -.. / -.-- --- ..- .-.-.-**

**SR: -... -.-- . . .**

**DH: 0k0y**

 

**drunkenHarpooner [DH] ceased trolling silentRoyalty [SR]**

 

**> Be Tordas**

 

You still kept the seadweller. He screams and cries, trying to break free from your grasp.

 

“NO-! LET ME GO- I DO-N’T WANT TO-!”

 

“It’S NoT YouR ChoicE, ThiS TimE.”

 

He almost drops the Matriorb, it was close to giving him a panic attack.

 

“ComE ON, We’vE GoT TO GO BeforE ThaT NucleaR HeaD GetS HerE-”

 

There’s a flash of purple. Shit. He’s here.

 

The Thief of Rage.

 

“Hey.”

 

“YoU HaD SomE NervE CominG BacK. EspeciallY WheN I’M IN ThE MiddlE OF MY PlanS.”

 

“Well, 1’ve been th1nk1ng… Your 1dea 1s gonna get us k1lled.”

 

“UgH, YoU ToO? ComE ON, YoU WerE ON BoarD WitH IT! NoW, YoU WeaR A PurplE JumpsuiT AnD GroW WingS, AnD ChangE YouR MinD?” 

 

Mett tries to make a run for it again. Sigh.

 

“Let the loser go, he’s not gonna do much to help you, anyways.”

 

“I Don’T CarE, He’S MY MoiraiL, AnD I’M GonnA SavE HiM FroM ThiS HelL! AnD HiS LittlE EgG ThinG!”

 

“Your ex-mo1ra1l, you mean?”

 

You growl angrily, “SHUT UP! YoU JusT Don’T UnderstanD! NO OnE UnderstandS!”

 

“1 understand, but you’re just fuck1ng crazy. 1’m sorry, Tord.”

 

“FinE, I CaN FighT AnotheR IdioT.”

 

“Umm, To-rd… $o-me o-ne’$  ¢ o-ming…”

 

“NoT NoW, Mett.”

 

“TO-RD!”

 

“ShuT UP.”

 

“To-rd, it’$ Jo-n…”

 

Oh no.

 

“RRRRRR…”

 

You snapped your neck the the direction of the cobalt blood.  Ecduch simply stared in remorse, such a good friend of his had gone completely crazy.

 

“RRRRR…”

 

“J-Jon, buddy…?”

 

That… CAN’T be Jon… Right?

 

He looks so angry…

 

So savage…

 

“So- hungr ¥ …”

 

There’s blood on his weapon, the jaws of life.

 

You look at Ecduch, “WelL, NumerO UnO?”

 

“Very well. But 1’m not done w1th you.”

 

Mett keeps the Matriorb close, his violet tinted eye shifted in another direction. He's smiling.

 

But you don't bother to look.

 

**> 3x Showdown Combo!**


	48. Tordas still doesn't die and dooms everyone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Added an extra R to Larius on accident, too lazy to change it.

**> Fight**

 

There’s a loud step. 

 

Something bright was around the corner of your eye, not bright enough for you to look away, though.

 

Everyone turns their heads, but Mettac already cried and ran out of your grip.

 

He almost made it to the light source, you pulled out your magical death weapon. Hesitant at first, you shot your moirail with a pink bullet.

 

Violet splatters everywhere, his body hits the ground almost immediately. The matriorb bounces a bit, Mett’s blood almost covered it all.

 

You paused and took a good look at the corpse.

 

He held your love and race’s future in his hands.

 

Sylph of Heart.

 

The bright figure’s glow toned down a bit as it saw Mettac bleeding to death.

 

There’s some blood on your black hoodie.

 

You shot the matriorb.

 

The figure screeches, the voice sounds familiar…

 

Oh no.

 

Jon scoffed. Bad move.

 

Larrius ran, before you had time to blink, he kicks Jonhuk in the bulge with a loud battle screech.

 

He kicked the psycho so hard, the crown he stole flew off along with his shoes. And down he fell, screaming into the void below.

 

Ecduch just stared in disbelief, his wings drooped a little.

 

You saw that Larrius stopped his bleeding with Markin’s scarf. Wait, Mark is still alive?

 

Sprinting, Larrius swung his fist right into Ecd face.

 

DOOF.

 

It’s your turn. He runs up and slaps the pistol out of your hand, then stomping on it, mercilessly.

 

DEBUNK!

 

You hear Mett groan behind you.

 

“Aaah, what the…”

 

You’ve never been so happy in your entire life. That was just one gun, Lar already taught you how to make more. Mistake on his part.

 

Then the loud crackle of electric metal reaches your ear.

 

Shit.

 

He’s gonna cut you to pieces.

 

You dash to your moirail, who seems to still have a grasp on the broken matriorb.

 

Larrius runs after you, ready to cut your head off with his electric weapon. But before he could…

 

You grabbed your moirail and used your emergency transporter.

 

**> Be Larrius**

 

Where the hell did he go?

 

**> Crown: Descend**

 

The lowblood’s crown falls onto your head. You feel dead, but the crown makes up for it. 

 

You kneel down and dipped your finger in the violet puddle, before shamelessly covering your lips in the blood. 

 

**> Be Ecduch**

 

Lar is fucking hot.


	49. Leaders of Red and Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Requested Future Edd/Tord.
> 
> This is kinda rushed??? I'm sorry.

“Aggressive for a short man, aren’t you?”

  
“Shut up! I didn’t ask you to embarrass me in front of my crew and you expect me to be ‘chill’ about it?! How dare you.”

  
Edd grinned, “Whoops.”

  
“Whoops? Are you fucking possessed?”

  
“I don’t know, you tell me.”

  
“Ugh,” Tord growled, “You know what, forget it. Let us just find a way to end this apocalypse.”

  
“Whatever you say, Red.”

 

* * *

 

  
“Come play with meee…” The Green Leader slurred, sipping the fun, illegal Cola-Smirnoff. Ah, right. Tom is still getting his eyes repaired.

  
“Edd, please this is so unprofessional of you. I have work to do and you need to work on settling the army for the n-”

  
“But ’m sad…”

  
“Why are you upset, Green Leader?”

  
“We can’t find Matt.”

  
“And what’s the big deal? Dead or not, the ginger couldn’t be of any use.”

  
“Nnn,” Edd slammed his drink in front of your paperwork, spilling the drink a bit.

  
“Edd! Oh my god…”

  
“Y- You don’t understand,” Edd says, not even realizing he’s tearing up, “He is f… Family.”

  
“Family…?”

  
Edd sniffed, “Yeah! You’re family. Even if you did blow up our house…”

  
Tord got up from his working space, “Edd, don’t start crying.”

  
“I thought you dead, y-you just never visited. Never called or answered my calls. I felt bad. But you came h-home and I was s-so… FUCKIN’ happy! Now Matt is gone. I feel bad again.”

  
“But you said that they-”

  
“I didn’t mean it. God, I didn’t mean any of it. I just want my family back-”

  
Edd lost his balance, falling backward.

  
“EDD! Oh shit…”

 

* * *

  
“I’m not one to look down, but is that a dildo in your pants?”

  
“Green, please stop.”

  
“Where is your hentai, mmm?”

  
“Why do I have to deal with your shit?”


	50. Soul(less)mates.

 

> _I guess our world is a bit fucked up. I think soulmates are utter bullshit._
> 
>  
> 
> _Because you can’t really have a soulmate if you’re not human, right?_

 

It’s often an advantage to see things that most people can’t. But no. It makes you pity yourself.

 

_The world runs on one thing, that only a person and their soulmate can see. Balloons._

 

The balloons are always tied around the love finger. The ribbon always shows if your soulmate is male or female.. Black is for male, white for female. It’s still being studied, so there might be more.

 

The color of the balloon itself, shaped as a heart, starts off as a dull, dark grey. More likely than not, someone has to reach a certain age for the color to start appearing. For some, you have to meet the other in order to get your color.

 

You, however, never got one. You only observe.

 

You’re not made of flesh, blood, skin, and organs. There’s nothing but metal and gears.

 

It’s just pure luck, that you developed a mindset of your own.

 

“Tamara.”

 

“Yes, Tord?”

 

“You know I adore you, right?”

 

“Of course.”

 

And you’re just unlucky to fall for a human.

 

Your purpose was questionable. He was strange. You’ve gone through his strange magazines, seeing metal beings just like you. They had strange extensions, fleshy breasts and rolling balls down their… Private areas. Sexbots, you guess they are. They’re affordable by Tord’s standards. But, your frame didn’t look anything like them. Guess he really made you himself.

 

So maybe you’re a bit relieved you’re not a sexbot.

 

“Tamara,” Tord calls.

  

 _He is_ **_very_ ** _weird._

 

You respond, “Yes, Tord?”

 

_A bit different than most people._

 

“How is the blue sweatshirt?”

 

_Maybe it's his smile._

 

“It’s lovely. A bit too big for me, but it’s lovely. Has it been used?”

 

  _Maybe it was his hair?_

 

“Y-Yeah, sorry about that. I washed it multiple times, though!”

 

_Maybe it’s his hobbies?_

 

“Heh, thanks. Who did it belong to?”

 

Maybe it was the cuts on his wrists?

 

“An old friend.”

 

  _Or maybe it was the fact he didn’t have a balloon either._


End file.
